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Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? oM29
Violence is the serious problem which is growing considerably in every country. There are multiple of reasons of violence for instance, many people opine that showing violence on televisions and in films are the paramount contributing factors of ferocity and some think that it is the result of social problems like unemployment. I think that the society is influenced by showing violence in the media Firstly, I would not beat around the bush, but would like to say that the major factors of increasing the level of violence in the society is because of the media. The producers show the violence in a movie in such a heroic way that it inspired juvenile to do the exact scenes in their life. Producers make these scenes in order to entice the audiences and to earn a lot of money from their movie. Therefore, the government should force the strict rules and regulations in producing movies and series and they should impose a certain limit in showing the violence in the media. Furthermore, I would like to say due to advancement in technology, almost all the people in the world are using the internet to watch television, news, movies etc. And this has a great impact on our society mostly on our youth. Therefore, there should be proper guidelines for the media world in order to show the violence on their medium. However, social problems like unemployment is also one of the reasons of increasing level of violence and it should not be overlooked by the government. They should take the paramount steps to reduce it. Overall, there should be proper action taken by the government in order to diminish the violence from the society. Media should not show the violence on their channels as it has a negative impact on the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
is the serious problem which is growing
considerably
in every country. There are multiple of reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on televisions and in films are the paramount contributing factors of ferocity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the result of social problems like unemployment. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is influenced
by showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
media


Firstly
, I would not beat around the bush,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would like to say that the major factors of increasing the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the media. The producers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in such a heroic way that it inspired juvenile to do the exact scenes in their life. Producers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these scenes in order to entice the audiences and to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should force the strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
series and
they should impose a certain limit in showing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the media.

Furthermore
, I would like to say due to advancement in technology, almost all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world are using the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television, news,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
etc. And this has a great impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
mostly
on our youth.
Therefore
, there should be proper guidelines for the media world in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on their medium.

However
, social problems like unemployment is
also
one of the reasons of increasing level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and it should not
be overlooked
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They should take the paramount steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.

Overall
, there should be proper action taken by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in order to diminish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Media should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on their channels as it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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