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Many parents, mostly mothers, stay at home to take care of the house and look after children. Many believe that the government should pay them a wage for this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many parents, mostly mothers, stay at home to take care of the house and look after children. Many believe that the government should pay them a wage for this. 0AaR1
Despite living in a modern era many mothers still prefer to do all the households as well as take care of their children by themselves. Although some individuals think that a salary should be paid for this reason by authorities, I strongly disagree with this statement. Some mothers stay at home to bring up their children on their own, so it is not possible for both parents to work out and earn money. This would cause some economic problems in the family, because these days, one breadwinner can not afford the expenditures of all family. Many schools are private and also there are many other extra classes like music classes and sports clubs which are available and required for upgrading kids. If only one of them works, the wage earner could not support all expenses for instance paying either house repairing bills or education fees. In this regard, many parents suffer mentally or even physically due to a lack of salary. Therefore, it would be better, governments support these families financially by paying a perk to mothers. In this way, the more satisfied and happier families in a society, the fewer social problems would be in a country. On the other hand, some believe that it is not logical to pay salary to parents who stayed at home to look after kids by authorities. It is vital to invest in other benefits such as establishing more community centres to protect families. The country needs more highly- equipped hospitals to improve people health. More facilities are required to be allocated in state schools. There are lots of other requirements in a region to be provided by governments. In my point of view, by paying money regularly to mothers who stay at home by authorities, many crucial amenities and progress would be stopped due to lack of budget in a country. In conclusion, while some people believe that some payment should be paid by governments to those parents who stay at home to take care of their children, I totally disagree with them and think that that money should be considered for different purposes and progress associated with the whole society.
Despite living in a modern era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers
still
prefer to do all the households
as well
as take care of their children by themselves. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a salary should
be paid
for this reason
by authorities, I
strongly
disagree with this statement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mothers stay at home to bring up their children on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not possible for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work out and earn money. This would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic problems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these days, one breadwinner can not afford the expenditures of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools are private and
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extra classes like music classes and sports clubs which are available and required for upgrading kids. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of them works, the wage earner could not support all expenses
for instance
paying either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
repairing bills or education fees. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
suffer mentally or even
physically
due to a lack of salary.
Therefore
, it would be better,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
financially
by paying a perk to mothers. In this way, the more satisfied and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in a society, the fewer social problems would be in a country.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it is not logical to pay salary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who stayed at home to look after kids by authorities. It is vital to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits such as establishing more community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. The country needs more
highly
- equipped hospitals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
health. More facilities
are required
to
be allocated
in state schools. There are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
requirements in a region to
be provided
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. In my point of view, by paying money
regularly
to mothers who stay at home by authorities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crucial amenities and progress would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
due to lack of budget in a country.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
payment should
be paid
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who stay at home to take care of their children, I
totally
disagree with them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that that money should
be considered
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes and progress associated with the whole society.

IELTS essay Many parents, mostly mothers, stay at home to take care of the house and look after children. Many believe that the government should pay them a wage for this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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