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Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violance in videogames ,TV programs and lesiure activities .how harmful could this be to childern?what coulde be done to solve this problem?

Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violance in videogames, TV programs and lesiure activities. how harmful could this be to childern? what coulde be done to solve this problem? 1mE9X
In this technological world, most of the child tend to play computer games, watching films and doing some spare activity, however some games and film create a brutal impact on children, as because of that circumstances is that, children become aggresive, and the most viable solution to get rid of this situation parents should educate their children about harmful effect of this type of games. Nowadays, children are end to play online games and watching movie which is create unfavourable influence on them first and foremost, in recent time majority of youngsters preefe to paly virtual games such as PUBG, COD and many more, in this game they play kill their enemy team, result of that they behave like that meanwhile, they become aggresive and rudely talk with their mother and father, and also they do not gov respect to their grandparents. Secondary, they watch se fatel action in series which is doing by their heroes, consequently they try to do thay type of action what they see in movie, and some time it may be change in to fatal. It is surveyed that, in the USA 60% of the children play virtual game which badly implement on child and because of that 40% of child behave harshly with their guardians. However, there are myriad of solutions to overcome this situation is that, people should guide their children, as how affect this type of activity and also they ought to educate their offspring to play outdoor games, and watch some TV shows which is related to history or some important things. moreover, wich help them in future and also in study. Additionally, authority should organise awareness campaign and they should have to banned some dangerous games. The recent study of Oxford, in USA banned on blue whale game, which create a negative impact on teenagers, therefore they could be saw 69% better behaviour in children. It is concluded that, in the present time playing online game is trend among the children and they follow gaming action in their real life, but to overcome this condition guardians role is more important for them, they have to teach their children to play brain game and watch movies as form that they can gain some knowledge.
In this technological world, most of the child tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, watching films and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare activity,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and film create a brutal impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that circumstances is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggresive
, and the most viable solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this situation parents should educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about harmful effect of this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching movie which is
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
influence on them
first
and foremost, in recent time majority of youngsters
Possible spelling mistake found.
preefe
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as PUBG, COD and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, in this game they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
kill their enemy team, result of that they behave like that meanwhile, they become
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggresive
and
rudely
talk with their mother and father, and
also
they do not gov respect to their grandparents. Secondary, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
se
Possible spelling mistake found.
fatel
action in series which is doing by their heroes,
consequently
they try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
do thay
type of action what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in movie, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in to fatal. It
is surveyed
that, in the USA 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
virtual game which
badly
implement on child and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that 40% of child behave
harshly
with their guardians.
However
, there are myriad of solutions to overcome this situation is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as how affect this type of activity and
also
they ought to educate their offspring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which
is related
to history or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future and
also
in study.
Additionally
, authority should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
awareness
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
campaign and
they should have
Did you mean "to ban"?
to banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The recent study of Oxford,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
banned on blue whale game, which create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
therefore
they could be
Consider using a past participle here: "sawed", "sawn", "seen".
saw
69% better
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
is concluded
that, in the present time playing online game is trend among the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they follow gaming action in their real life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to overcome this condition guardians role is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
brain game and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies as form that they can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge.
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IELTS essay Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violance in videogames, TV programs and lesiure activities. how harmful could this be to childern? what coulde be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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