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Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization?

Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization? GEMe
In recent era, changes from old fashioned to modern style is necessary for ancient cities. Most underdeveloped cities are changing to the modernization globally. With such changes, there are some pros and cons to it. This essay will highlight such advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, any new changes gives immense pleasure and satisfaction to our day today lives. Old cities are far backwards in progress in term of an electricity, super mall, residential buildings and an employment opportunities. Government are taking good steps for removing such hurdles in old cities. With such improvement, more industries will come and establish their business, which will reduce unemployment rates and increase standard of living of people. Moreover, people will enjoy all new amenities like super mall, complexes, good infrastructure and no shortage of electricity. On the other hand, with such changes we give rise to pollution and deforestation. Pollution such as noise, air and water will increase at alarming rate, as many industries will route to old cities. Such pollutions are adversely affect the life of people, as a result, not only life expectancy will be reduced but also clean air will be polluted. Lastly, rates for the land will increase rapidly. Big industrialist will switch their business from urban cities to rural cities, they will need huge space and will acquire land. This will result demand for land which result sudden increase in price for it. To sum up, change from old style to modern style for any cities brings new technology, latest facilities and employment opportunities, along with problems of crime rates, pollution and deforestation too follow
In recent era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
to modern style is necessary for ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Most underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are changing to the modernization globally. With such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons to it. This essay will highlight such advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly
, any new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
gives immense pleasure and satisfaction to our day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are far backwards in progress in term of an electricity, super mall, residential buildings and an employment opportunities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
are taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
steps for removing such hurdles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. With such improvement, more industries will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and establish their business, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
standard of living of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will enjoy all new amenities like super mall, complexes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure and no shortage of electricity.

On the other hand
, with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
we give rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and deforestation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pollution
such as noise, air and water will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
at alarming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries will route to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
are
adversely
Consider using a past participle here: "affected".
affect
the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
as a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
life expectancy will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
clean air will
be polluted
.
Lastly
,
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rates
for the land will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
industrialist will switch their business from urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, they will need huge space and will acquire land. This will result demand for land which result sudden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in price for it.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
style to modern style for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
brings new technology,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
facilities and employment opportunities, along with problems of crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and deforestation
Did you mean "to follow"?
too follow
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IELTS essay Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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