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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? 2JPJ
Visitor of the museum has been increased nowadays, meanwhile, majority museums taking entry fees from the visitor. However, few section of people opposed this and believe that it should be free, while I believe that it has more pros than the cons. It is true that, museum become expensive to visit, there are several benefit of this trend like, Firstly, Entry charge will give financial stability to the museum authority for their maintenance charges. For example, There madam tusad museum in the London taking visiting charge, that fund would help them to development of the museum and also help to keep up to date with latest technology. Secondly, it financial freedom provide museum independent, They have not to relay on the government about any kind of grant and donation, it would also reduce burden of the government. Finally, It would attract genuine visitor who have true importance and interest in the history. This will reduce traffic in the venue therefor visitor could fill great experience during visit. In contrast, Museum are the national treasure and all common men have their fundamental rights to know their history so that museum always free to visit. By this anyone could access and know their existence and culture. Furthermore, this is central responsibility to run and preserve museum and should be free of cost for all their citizen because they are already paying tax. For instance, there are many museum under the authority of England in London which are totally free of cost to visit. In conclusion, I personally believe that Government should make all museum free for their nation, that is their fundamental rights, while minimum charge of the entry of the museum will be more important for their modern development and to maintain their glory without giving any extra load of center.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Visitor
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has
been increased
nowadays, meanwhile, majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
taking entry fees from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
.
However
,
Possible agreement error. The noun section seems to be countable; consider using: "few sections".
few section
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opposed this and believe that it should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, while I believe that it has more pros than the cons.

It is true that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
become expensive to visit, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "several benefits".
several benefit
of this trend like,
Firstly
, Entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
will give financial stability to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
authority for their maintenance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
.
For example
, There madam
Possible spelling mistake found.
tusad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in the London taking visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
, that fund would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up to date with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology.
Secondly
,
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
financial freedom provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
independent, They have not to relay on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
about any kind of grant and donation, it would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
burden of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Finally
, It would attract genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
who have true importance and interest in the history. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic in the venue therefor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
could fill great experience during visit.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
are the national treasure and all common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have their fundamental rights to know their history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to visit. By this anyone could access and know their existence and culture.
Furthermore
, this is central responsibility to run and preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost for all their citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already paying tax.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "museums"?
museum
under the authority of England in London which are
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost to visit.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for their nation,
that is
their fundamental rights, while minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
of the entry of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
will be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their modern development and to maintain their glory without giving any extra load of center.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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