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Many medical problems that we have today are because we have a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many medical problems that we have today are because we have a very sedentary lifestyle. RNPEG
In today’s world, people are facing several health issues and diseases which can put their life at risks. This is due to th3 dormant lifestyle that they have. From my perspective, it has a negative impacts on their life and bring them various problems both at work and home. To begin, inactive lifestyle affects people's health negatively at work places. Overtime, people's tendency have changed to work at offices or companies which need less physical activities to do their tasks because they can carry out their job while they are sitting behind their desk; consequently this leads them to experience physical injuries, like backache, neck pain and shoulder pain in the future. Furthermore, by inventing computers, people have more accessibility to do theie job without being active. For example, in the past workers had to deliver an important letter by themselves, but now they can just send it by an email in their computers. Accordingly, staring at the computer's monitor for a while can cause an eye strain and make it weak. More over, the damage of living motionless can be seen at homes, too. These days most people rely on machines for doing house jobs. For instance, people used to clean their dishes with their hands, but now they can just sit in front of the TV while the expensive dishwasher, which they have bought, wash the dishes. For those who spend a lomg time sitting on their couch and watching TV, they are more likely to experience heart problems such as heart attack. This phenomenon can also threaten children's life, too. Today, by developing game console, children prefer to spend their time play with that instead of play with their friends and have activities. For example, they use a game pad to play a football in the console instead of go out and play it wirh their friends. Hencw, they may become overweight and experience vascular problems when they grow up. In conclusion, I believe that, sedentary lifestyle has many negative effects on both adults and children when they are at home or wrok and it causes several medical issues which are dangerous.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing several health issues and diseases which can put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. This is due to th3 dormant lifestyle that they have. From my perspective, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their life and bring them various problems both at work and home. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, inactive lifestyle affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
negatively
at work places. Overtime,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's tendency have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to work at offices or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which need less physical activities to do their tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can carry out their job while they are sitting behind their desk;
consequently
this leads them to experience physical injuries, like backache, neck pain and shoulder pain in the future.
Furthermore
, by inventing computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more accessibility to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
theie
job without being active.
For example
, in the past workers had to deliver an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
letter by themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it by an email in their computers.
Accordingly
, staring at the computer's monitor for a while can cause an eye strain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it weak. More over, the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
living motionless can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at homes, too. These days most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on machines for doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
jobs.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to clean their dishes with their hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit in front of the TV while the expensive dishwasher, which they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
, wash the dishes. For those who spend a
Possible spelling mistake found.
lomg
time sitting on their couch and watching TV, they are more likely to experience heart problems such as heart attack. This phenomenon can
also
threaten children's life, too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, by developing game console, children prefer to spend their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with that
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their friends and have activities.
For example
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a game pad to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a football in the console
instead
of go out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
wirh
their friends.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hencw
, they may become overweight and experience vascular problems when they grow up.
In conclusion
, I believe that, sedentary lifestyle has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on both adults and children when they are at home or
Possible spelling mistake found.
wrok
and it causes several medical issues which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
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IELTS essay Many medical problems that we have today are because we have a very sedentary lifestyle.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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