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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. LroXK
It is believed by many governments that economic growth is the vital aim of a country. While several other believe that the progress on other sectors are ought to give equal importance. I am with the opinion of latter statement that considering other sectors such as educational, social would benefit the country in long run. On the one hand, the numerous people consider financial stability of a country would enable the economic progression. Because being stable in terms of economy would ensure that they are self-sufficient without depending on other nations for external sources such as loan in order to provide better standard of living for their citizens. For instance, there are several countries borrowed from world bank to provide monetary benefits. As a result, nation focusing on economic growth could avoid burdening on upcoming generation. on the other hand, several people believe that considering sectors like educational would provide long-term benefits. This is because, people who are illiterate are the reasons for many social causes. By allocating funds and focusing on education would help us to eliminate unemployment, crime rate and enable other countries to develop their business in such a peaceful country. In addition, the treatment of minority people are seen as a reflection of moral standard and social development of the country. For example, countries like Sweden focused on education which led them to have lower unemployment. To reiterate, despite having different views, I believe it is significant for the government to focus on other sectors more than economic progress to be successful in long run.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is the vital aim of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe that the progress on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
are ought to give equal importance. I am with the opinion of latter statement that considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as educational, social would benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in long run. On the one hand, the numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider financial stability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
being stable in terms of economy would ensure that they are self-sufficient without depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations for external sources such as loan in order to provide better standard of living for their citizens.
For instance
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
borrowed from
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
to provide monetary benefits.
As a result
, nation focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth could avoid burdening on upcoming generation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
like educational would provide long-term benefits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are illiterate are the reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social causes. By allocating funds and focusing on education would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to eliminate unemployment, crime rate and enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to develop their business in such a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
, the treatment of minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a reflection of moral standard and social development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Sweden focused on education which led them to have lower unemployment. To reiterate, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views, I believe it is significant for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress to be successful in long run.
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IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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