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Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Kwoj1
Around the world, many adults and children has started to work from home. There are many reasons for this situation such as its cost, accessibility, severe conditions of the pandemic, etc. . . Yet, it is also a fact that while a quite number of people suggest that this is a positive development since it removes barriers in front of time, many others argue that it has several negative impacts that prevents people to socialize with each other. The fact that technology has become a vital element in peoople's lives changed their live standards as well. As quite number of adults and children began to work from home, its positive and negative impacts became more questionable. For instance, the Covid-19 pandemic has forced us to use technology as a tool for education and work since this increased the accessibility to earn money or learn a subject. However, students' and adults' screen times have increased to a significant level which proves that it is also an unhealthy issue for their well beings. So, it is not easy to decide the impact of this development as it is positive or negative. As there is not a single side to this perspective, this situation is also dependent on people's discipline as well. If one individual is more disciplined than the other, this situation, working from home, might be a crucial solution for the time spent on the roads and their work might become more efficient. Yet, apart from it, many other individuals who are not used to this lifestyle might have felt more lonely and forget how to socialize. For instance, as I, one of the people who study from home, hear from many of my friends state that they forgot how to communicate with others. As a result, in my opinion, the people's internal motivations are important concepts to decide as this situation is a good or a bad issue. All in all, as technology has become a vital element in people's lives, it also changed the way adults and children work. As this issue has brought numerous conveniences, dependent on people themselves, it is also a fact that it caused many others to be more addicted to this lifestyle.
Around the world,
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many
adults and children has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
such as its cost, accessibility, severe conditions of the pandemic, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Yet
, it is
also
a fact that while a
You used an adverb ('quite') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('number') instead of another adjective.
quite number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development since it removes barriers in front of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others argue that it has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize with each other.

The fact that technology has become a vital element in
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoople
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
standards
as well
. As quite number of adults and children began to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts became more questionable.
For instance
, the Covid-19 pandemic has forced us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology as a tool for education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since this increased the accessibility to earn money or learn a subject.
However
, students' and adults' screen times have increased to a significant level which proves that it is
also
an unhealthy issue for their well beings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not easy to decide the impact of this development as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

As there is not a single side to this perspective, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is
also
dependent on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's discipline
as well
. If one individual is more disciplined than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, working from home, might be a crucial solution for the time spent on the roads and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might become more efficient.
Yet
, apart from it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this lifestyle might have felt more lonely and forget how to socialize.
For instance
, as I, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who study from home, hear from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my friends state that they forgot how to communicate with others.
As a result
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's internal motivations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concepts to decide as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
issue.

All in all, as technology has become a vital element in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way adults and children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. As this issue has brought numerous conveniences, dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves, it is
also
a fact that it caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others to be more addicted to this lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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