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Many fathers want to stay at home to care of their children not only to care, but also to control them whereas mothers go out to work

Many fathers want to stay at home to care of their children not only to care, but also to control them whereas mothers go out to work 7Xw2
These days, parents are looking after to their children. Many fathers want to stay at home to care of their children not only to care, but also to control them whereas mothers go out to work. This essay will explore what could be reason for this and is it positive or negative trend. It is proposed that technology is developing so fast so we have all of the opportunities, especially for children. Because all of the children have mobile phones and laptop, they can use the internet without challenges. But, some juvineles use the internet for wrong way as a result, their behaviour have been changing, they have extremely agressive behaviour, they do not respect their parents particularly their mothers as they spend their time to play distinictive games which have many kind of warlike situations. Thus, fathers decided to stay at home in order to control their children. Many children afraid from their fathers. Also, fathers play an essential role in children's life. Researchers show that fathers caring for children at home is a negative trend. Since, fathers can earn much money rather than mothers so they can ensure all of the things which can improve their lifestyle such as well- equipped house and different things which are very helpful for their children's education. For example, my neighbour' wife works as a waiter at a reataurant, he does not work so his wife's salary is low. Sometimes, they have not enough food to eat and have lack of water. Additionally, their children always wear same clothes for study and at home so fathers should work to provide perfect life for their children. In conclusion, A person who is head of the family shoul not stay at home. Meanwhile, mothers should be strick and control their children and look after them.
These days, parents are looking after to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
want to stay at home to care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to control them whereas mothers go out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay will explore what could be reason for this and is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

It
is proposed
that technology is developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we have
Consider using "all the".
all of the
opportunities,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have mobile phones and laptop, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet without challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvineles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way
as a result
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
have been changing, they have
extremely
Possible spelling mistake found.
agressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they do not respect their parents
particularly
their mothers as they spend their time to play
Possible spelling mistake found.
distinictive
games which have
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of warlike situations.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
decided to stay at home in order to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The usual collocation for "afraid" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "afraid of"?
afraid from
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
play an essential role in children's life.

Researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
can earn much money
rather
than mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can ensure
Consider using "all the".
all of the
things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle such
as well
- equipped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for their children's education.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
' wife works as a waiter at a
Possible spelling mistake found.
reataurant
, he does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
his wife's salary is low.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food to eat and have lack of water.
Additionally
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always wear same clothes for study and at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to provide perfect life for their children.

In conclusion
, A person who is head of the family
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoul
not stay at home. Meanwhile, mothers should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
strick
and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and look after them.
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Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Many fathers want to stay at home to care of their children not only to care, but also to control them whereas mothers go out to work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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