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Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced? m111q
The debate over video games are used excessively in young generation, especially kids has evolved as major topic of concern among many people on these days. Several factors attributed to this phenomenon will be elaborated in the following essay before feasible measures are drawn. On the one hand, an increasing of online games among young children are causing a lot of harm. The first point is that when children spend most of time for technology, they would find it difficult to focus on their schoolwork, which reduce learning outcomes. In addition, young people will not be interested in physical activities at school because of immerse themselves on video games. In the long run, this will lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which caused childhood obesity and develops slowly on young people. Besides, overuse of game online affect vision problem, that is reason why nowadays the most children have to wear glasses. On the other hand, there are many ways to solve this problem. One possible solution is that parents should control the time using smart devices in children so that they do not overdo it. Additionally, parents celebrate many family activities like travelling or go camping, which makes children spend time for family without bogged down online games. Furthermore, school should organize mental and physical programs as a part of teaching, while parents have to encourage their child participate in such activities to reduce their attention on computer games. To be more specific, these activities also help decrease the fidget and work more effectively during school hours. To sum up, games cause decreased concentration and obesity among children. Therefore, family and school need to organize activities to help children reduce time for technology devices.
The debate over video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
excessively
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation,
especially
kids has evolved as major topic of concern among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on these days. Several factors attributed to this phenomenon will
be elaborated
in the following essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
feasible measures
are drawn
.

On the one hand, an increasing of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
harm. The
first
point is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for technology, they would find it difficult to focus on their schoolwork, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
learning outcomes.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not
be interested
in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of immerse themselves on video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In the long run, this will lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which caused childhood obesity and develops
slowly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Besides
, overuse of game online affect vision problem,
that is
reason why nowadays the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear glasses.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to solve this problem. One possible solution is that parents should control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using smart devices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not overdo it.
Additionally
, parents celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like travelling or go camping, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family without bogged down online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
, school should organize mental and physical programs as a part of teaching, while parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encourage their child participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their attention on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To be more specific, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease the fidget and work more
effectively
during school hours.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cause decreased concentration and obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, family and school need to organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for technology devices.
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IELTS essay Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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