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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society?

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society? qEQG
Nowadays, the number of young adults are more than older people in some countries. This topic has both views, advantages and disadvantages. ✅Obviously, the large number of a young adult is a good point, because the young adult is a good choice for labour power in comparison with older people. For example, using the internet and technology are widespread in the world. Also, companies and many workplaces tend to use smart devices or network that young people learn more quickly than old people and they can adapt themselves to the advancement of technology. Furthermore, creativity and activity are the majority points for Company development. So, young people are suitable for working in many workplaces compared to older people. ✅However, the people, who are a good choice in comparison with older people, may become dangerous problems for their country. For example, some company believe that older people have experience and it doesn’t need to pay much more money for training them. Another point is that some older people, who are retired and has a pension, accept a low salary. Then, they are hired instead of adolescents’ people. so, this issue imposes difficulties for societies. In other words, if adolescents people don’t afford to provide basic needs and have money for their life, they incline to crime. ✅In conclusion, without suitable infrastructure, a large proportion of the young adult’s population, which can benefit society, causes trouble for their country. And, they increase crime in there, I believe that disadvantage of this situation outweigh the advantage.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. This topic has both views, advantages and disadvantages.

✅
Obviously
, the large number of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
power
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, using the internet and technology are widespread in the world.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workplaces tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smart devices or network that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn more
quickly
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can adapt themselves to the advancement of technology.
Furthermore
, creativity and activity are the majority points for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suitable for working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workplaces compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

✅
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, may become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problems for their country.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "companies"?
company
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have experience and it doesn’t need to pay much more money for training them. Another point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
are retired
and has a pension, accept a low salary. Then, they
are hired
instead
of adolescents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, this issue imposes difficulties for societies.
In other words
, if adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t afford to provide basic needs and have money for their life, they incline to crime.

✅
In conclusion
, without suitable infrastructure, a large proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult’s population, which can benefit society, causes trouble for their country. And, they increase crime in there, I believe that disadvantage of this situation outweigh the advantage.
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IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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