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Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Wym25
Art has been contributing highly in terms of country’s culture and heritage. With the help of art, we were able to identify our own past. Spending money on art is always subjected to argument. Number of individuals believe that investing on art would reap fruits while others believe that improvement on education and health is essential. This essay would delineate both these views in the following paragraphs. Firstly, those who argue in favor of investing on art, believe that it is an effective form to express their opinion. To express people opinion other than words, needs money to deploy the creativity. In addition, art helps to restore the people’s timeline. For example, the sculptures from the past was used to identify the time and culture during that period. The pottery, paintings and other art related product collected from the excavation sites has helped the individuals to learn about their own History. Any archeological excavations to be carried out required funding. On contrast, many want the government to spend for education and health since it will directly be beneficial to its citizens. They feel that education and health is top priority when compared to art. More money spent on these facilities will gain more benefits. For instance, educated people can provide more contribution in nation’s income and improved health services will safeguard the citizen’s lives. Development in these sectors will surely upgrade the well-being of the people. To conclude, Though art has been playing a significant role throughout the world, advancement in learning and well-being is crucial for any economy. From my viewpoint, I feel that investing on health facilities and knowledge imparting requires reasonably higher portion of amount than art. Moreover, we cannot exclude art too because it has paved the way to learn our own history. Government should prioritize and spend more on the crucial facilities that directly influence people’s lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
has been contributing
highly
in terms of country’s culture and heritage. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, we were able to identify our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
past. Spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is always subjected to argument. Number of individuals believe that investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would reap fruits while others believe that improvement on education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is essential. This essay would delineate both these views in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, those who argue in favor of investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, believe that it is an effective form to express their opinion. To express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion other than words, needs money to deploy the creativity.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to restore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
timeline.
For example
, the sculptures from the past was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to identify the time and culture during that period. The pottery, paintings and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related product collected from the excavation sites has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the individuals to learn about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
History. Any archeological excavations to
be carried
out required funding.

On contrast,
Possible agreement error. The noun want seems to be countable; consider using: "many wants".
many want
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to spend for education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
since it will
directly
be beneficial to its citizens. They feel that education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is top priority when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. More money spent on these facilities will gain more benefits.
For instance
, educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide more contribution in nation’s income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services will safeguard the citizen’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Development in these sectors will
surely
upgrade the well-being of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been playing a significant role throughout the world, advancement in learning and well-being is crucial for any economy. From my viewpoint, I feel that investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities and knowledge imparting requires
reasonably
higher portion of amount than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Moreover
, we cannot exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has paved the way to learn our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should prioritize and spend more on the crucial facilities that
directly
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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