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Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? p082
In the world where technology has become an integral part in our daily lives, it is impossible to keep it away from people of any age group. The younger generation is the most affiliated with the new gadgets and it surely has its upsides and downsides. One of the major advantages of kids owning a mobile phone, is the world is at their finger tips. With the internet connection, they have access to all the knowledge of current incidence across the globe. It has also beneficial for their education during the pandemic, when the online classes has become a necessity. Mobile phones play a crucial part in the moments of emergency. Because of them, children can contact their parents and parents can track the kids remotely. Another point worth noting is the role social interaction plays in the overall development of a human being. Because of the mobile phones, even the times of isolation, the children are connected to each other and the society. On the flip side, staring at a screen all day affects children’s health adversely. It has an impact on their eye sight and physical health, since they don’t get any physical exercise, while sitting at home browsing internet. Behaviour changes have been observed in children who play violent video games. Their sleep schedules have also been affected because of excessive use of mobile phones. Cyber bullying and cyber crime is a significant concern when we consider the drawbacks of children using mobile phones at an young age. It causes psychological, emotional and physical distress, making it a crucial issue to be addressed. Taking all the points into account, it is important to make sure children use their mobile phones productively and it does not harm them in any way.
In the world where technology has become an integral part in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of any age group. The younger generation is the most affiliated with the new gadgets and it
surely
has its upsides and downsides.

One of the major advantages of kids owning a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, is the world is at their finger tips. With the internet connection, they have access to all the knowledge of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
incidence across the globe. It has
also
beneficial for their education during the pandemic, when the online classes
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
become a necessity. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
play a crucial part in the moments of emergency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can contact their parents and parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the kids
remotely
. Another point worth noting is the role social interaction plays in the
overall
development of a human being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, even the times of isolation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are connected
to each other and the society.

On the flip side, staring at a screen all day affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health
adversely
. It has an impact on their
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and physical health, since they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any physical exercise, while sitting at home browsing internet.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Behaviour' is British English.
Behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have
been observed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play violent video games. Their sleep schedules have
also
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Cyber bullying
and cyber crime is a significant concern when we consider the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
young age. It causes psychological, emotional and physical distress, making it a crucial issue to
be addressed
.

Taking all the points into account, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
productively
and it does not harm them in any way.
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IELTS essay Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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