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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. n6d6P
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? It is often believed that most young people have now been addicted to have an unhealthy lifestyle. While parents and teachers play an equally important role in addressing this problem, I would argue that children themselves should also try to live healthily. The role of both parents and teachers should certainly be considered when preventing children from having an unhealthy lifestyle. Teachers with a wide range of subjects such as running or swimming which has always been useful are vital for the prevention of an unhealthy lifestyle to be common among children. Parental roles could be also taken into account when stopping children from having an unhealthy way of living. As parents have always been perfect examples of human-beings for their beloved ones, they should follow the rules of a healthy lifestyle such as eating healthy food or doing regular physical exercises to teach their loved ones to have a healthy life. In my view, to have a healthy life, children are as accountable as both teachers and parents are for their own decisions. This is because it will be worthless for children if he or she would rather neither take part in subjects and sports competitions offered by their teachers nor follow the rules and advice given by their parents, meaning that it is almost impossible for children to have a healthy life unless they themselves have a tendency to have good habits such as having a balanced diet or attending sports clubs so children themselves ought to desire to live healthily. To conclude, although both parents and teachers have equal responsibility for encouraging children not to have an unhealthy life, children themselves should also try to live healthily. 280 words, by Hugo @Result_with_Hugo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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children
these days have an
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unhealthy
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lifestyle
. Both schools and
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parents
are responsible for solving this problem.

To what extent do you
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agree
with this statement?

It is
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often
believed that most young
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people
have
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now
been addicted
to have an
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unhealthy
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lifestyle
. While
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parents
and
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teachers
play an
equally
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important
role in addressing this problem, I would argue that
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children
themselves should
also
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.

The role of both
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parents
and
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teachers
should
certainly
be considered
when preventing

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children
from having an
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unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
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Teachers
with a wide range of subjects such as running or swimming which has always been useful are vital for the prevention of an
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unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
to be common among
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children
. Parental roles could be
also
taken into account when stopping
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children
from having an
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unhealthy
way of living. As
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parents
have always been perfect examples of human-beings for their beloved ones, they should follow the
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rules
of a
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healthy
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lifestyle
such as eating
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healthy
food or doing regular physical exercises to teach their
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loved
ones to have a
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healthy
life.

In my view, to have a
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healthy
life,
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children
are as accountable as both
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teachers
and
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parents
are for their
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own
decisions. This is
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because
it will be worthless for
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children
if he or she would
rather
neither
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take part
in subjects and sports competitions offered by
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their


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teachers
nor follow the
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rules
and advice
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given
by their
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parents
, meaning that it is almost impossible for
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children
to have a
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healthy
life unless they themselves have a tendency to have
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good
habits such as having a balanced diet or attending sports clubs
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so
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children
themselves ought to desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.

To conclude
, although both
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parents
and
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teachers
have equal responsibility for encouraging
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children
not to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves should
also
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.

280 words, by Hugo

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IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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