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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. 77Nb
Nowadays, most children have unhealthy habits due to increasing live standards. Children are more likely to ruin their health by spending long hours in front of the television, not taking exercise, and eating an unbalanced diet. In my opinion, I agree with both families and schools taking particular responsibilities, and they can do a lot of effort to reduce this problem. On one hand, parents are those who take main responsibility for children's growth without any iota of doubt. The first reason is that parents’ ways to teach their children have a huge impact on their lifestyle. For example, Emirati parents give their children some money for the entire day. As a consequence, what they pay to drink and eat every day can lead them to sickness. To illustrate, they do not eat nutritious food such as sugar, cheese, and junk food thus can become their daily habits. The second reason is that children’s activities are a mirror of parents once since the young usually have to follow what adults do. If adults do not take care of themselves, the young people will ignore their health as well. On the other hand, schools also are in charge of dealing with this problem. Firstly, children easily get affected by their education atmosphere. They are not ancient enough to know what is right and incorrect. Furthermore, some boys can copy their friend’s bad habits like smoking, which lead them to serious diseases. Secondly, some regulations in schools make health problems for children. For example, the first period is too early for them. As a result, students usually get sleepy and do not focus. Not only it has a negative influence on their education but also their healthy lifestyle. To sum up, both parents and schools participate to build children's lifestyles. They should be careful of their behaviors because parents are the first teachers for them, and schools are playing a huge part in their lifestyle.
Nowadays, most
children
have unhealthy habits due to increasing
live
standards.
Children
are more likely to ruin their health by spending long hours in front of the television, not taking exercise, and eating an unbalanced diet. In my opinion, I
agree
with both families and
schools
taking particular responsibilities, and they can do
a lot of
effort to
reduce
this problem.

On one hand,
parents
are those who take main responsibility for children's growth without any iota of doubt. The
first
reason is that
parents’
ways to teach their
children
have a huge impact on their lifestyle.
For example
,
Emirati
parents
give their
children
some
money for the entire day. As a consequence, what they pay to drink and eat every day can lead them to sickness. To illustrate, they do not eat nutritious food such as sugar, cheese, and junk food
thus
can become their daily habits. The second reason is that
children’s
activities are a mirror of
parents
once since the young
usually
have to
follow what adults do. If adults do not take care of themselves, the young
people
will
ignore
their health
as well
.

On the other hand
,
schools
also
are in charge of dealing with this problem.
Firstly
,
children
easily
get
affected
by their education atmosphere. They are not ancient
enough
to know what is right and incorrect.
Furthermore
,
some
boys can copy their friend’s
bad
habits like smoking, which lead them to serious diseases.
Secondly
,
some
regulations in
schools
make
health problems for
children
.
For example
, the
first
period is too early for them.
As a result
, students
usually
get
sleepy and do not focus. Not
only
it has a
negative
influence on their education
but
also
their healthy lifestyle.

To sum up, both
parents
and
schools
participate to build children's lifestyles. They should be careful of their behaviors
because
parents
are the
first
teachers for them, and
schools
are playing a huge part in their lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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