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Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend ?

It is irrefutable that in this modern world, most of the youngsters prefer to play indoor activities due to advancement in technology and increasing crime rate, rather than going outside. In my eyes, this trend has detrimental effects on both physical and social life of a child. To commence with, children spend most of their time by watching television and playing computerised games. They are always sticked with their respective gadgets screen and are living sedentary lifestyle. As a result of lack of physical activities they suffer from severe health issues such as diabetes, obesity and heart diseases. In an research conducted worldwide, it was observed that around forty percents children between the age of ten to seventeen, were obese due to lack of exercise and eating unhealthy. Along with this, due to increasing trend of staying at home, juveniles are becoming less sociable. They are becoming introverts and are talking less even with their families. If they would not go outside of their homes or play with their friends in playground then, they will not learn important skills like team work. Moreover, young ones are becoming more aggressive as a result of less interaction with anyone. For instance, a cousin of mine has became assertive due to increasing usage of games and less contact with others. To recapitulate, although this situation has created drastic impacts on adolescents yet immediate steps are required to make sure that children have a rich diet of play experiences.
It is irrefutable that in this modern world, most of the youngsters prefer to play indoor activities
due
to advancement in technology and increasing crime rate,
rather
than going outside. In my eyes, this trend has detrimental effects on both physical and social life of a child.

To commence with, children spend most of their time by watching television and playing
computerised
games. They are always
sticked
with their respective gadgets screen and are living sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
of lack of physical activities they suffer from severe health issues such as diabetes, obesity and heart diseases. In
an research
conducted worldwide, it
was observed
that around forty percents children between the age of ten to seventeen, were obese
due
to lack of exercise and eating unhealthy.

Along with this,
due
to increasing trend of staying at home, juveniles are becoming
less
sociable. They are becoming introverts and are talking
less
even with their families. If they would not go
outside of
their homes or play with their friends in playground then, they will not learn
important
skills
like team work.
Moreover
, young ones are becoming more aggressive
as a result
of
less
interaction with anyone.
For instance
, a cousin of mine has
became
assertive
due
to increasing usage of games and
less
contact with others.

To recapitulate, although this situation has created drastic impacts on
adolescents
yet
immediate steps
are required
to
make
sure that children have a rich diet of play experiences.
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IELTS essay Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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