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Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. with this statement? LrrGr
Being a foreigner, living overseas, it's important for people to know and speak a foreign language. Otherwise, it will cause severe consequences not only socially but also practically as well. I totally agree with this the statement. There is no doubt that language barrier is one of the severe problems for people who are living in abroad. In order to get a high salary job, one must have to know foreign language. Otherwise Without that it will be difficult for them in the long run. For instance, if a person does not know how to speak fluently, he won't be able to get a decent job. Because it is quite natural that an employer would prefer someone who can communicate with people of the country the targeted customer. As a result, they fail to grow in their desired career which sometimes lead to unemployment. Moreover, not knowing the language can cause social problem. For example, they don't understand important notice and don't follow rules and regulations. Some do not know how to order food, buy groceries, do shopping as well. Therefore, Migrants who do not able to speak foreign language fail to understand the local custom and culture. To conclude, in my opinion, before migrating to new country one must give their best effort to learn at least basic level of that foreign language, otherwise it will be difficult for them to survive which can cause social unrest and practical problems.
Being a foreigner, living overseas, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
and speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Otherwise
, it will cause severe consequences not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
practically
as well
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this the statement.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier is one of the severe problems for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are living in abroad. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high salary job, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
Without that it will be difficult for them in the long run.
For instance
, if a person does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to speak
fluently
, he won't be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent job.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is quite natural that an employer would prefer someone who can communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the country the targeted customer.
As a result
, they fail to grow in their desired career which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to unemployment.

Moreover
, not knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can cause social problem.
For example
, they don't understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
notice and don't follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to order food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
groceries,
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
as well
.
Therefore
, Migrants who do not able to speak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
fail to understand the local custom and culture.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
migrating to new country one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give their best effort to learn at least basic level of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
otherwise
it will be difficult for them to survive which can cause social unrest and practical problems.
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IELTS essay Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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