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Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree?

Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative. M63N
The entertainment industry is increasingly becoming popular around the world and usage of new technology in this field has changed it a lot. I do not agree with the argument that the use of technology will reduce the creativity of the people. I will prove my stand with valid arguments in this essay. First and foremost, people are becoming more creative by applying technology in a leisure industry like cinema. They can put their ideas and imagination in movies through different software and devices. To illustrate, the famous Hollywood movie “Avtar” depicts the creative thinking of the writer which cannot be executed without the use of new technology. Hence, application of new types of software, web designing, and graphics helps us to become more creative and execute our creative ideas more efficiently. In addition to this, theme parks, kids game zones, and art galleries are using different tech-related equipment and devices to enhance the creative ability of the youth. There are various art galleries which conduct digital painting events for visitors to showcase and discover their creative talent. Kids zones are converting games and sports into a digitalized form which otherwise required rare and expensive equipment. These games can be played on a computer desktop to learn and enhance creativity among children which was not possible before. According to research conducted by Harvard university due to the availability of technologically innovative games in various parks, children are now familiar with a lot more games than in the past. So, it helps to increase the learning and creative ability of children. In conclusion, after analysing the situation it is not hard to see that application of technology in the leisure industry has enhanced the creativity and artistic ability among people around the world.
The entertainment industry is
increasingly
becoming popular around the world and usage of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in this field has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
it a lot. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the creativity of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I will prove my stand with valid arguments in this essay.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
by applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in a leisure industry like cinema. They can put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and imagination in movies through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
software and devices. To illustrate, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Hollywood movie “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Avtar
” depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
thinking of the writer which cannot
be executed
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Hence
, application of new types of software, web designing, and graphics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
and execute our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
more
efficiently
.

In addition
to this, theme parks, kids game zones, and art galleries are using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tech-related equipment and devices to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
ability of the youth. There are various art galleries which conduct digital painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for visitors to showcase and discover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
talent. Kids zones are converting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and sports into a digitalized form which
otherwise
required rare and expensive equipment. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be played
on a computer desktop to learn and enhance creativity among children which was not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. According to research conducted by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
due to the availability of
technologically
innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in various parks, children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
familiar with a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
ability of children.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the situation it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that application of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the leisure industry has enhanced the creativity and artistic ability among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world.
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IELTS essay Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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