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Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree?

Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative. JM35
It is true that computers and modern technology is introduced in each and every field of work and it has been observed that spare time is increasing day by day in the professional work. However, due to technology up gradation the individuals are less creative as well as entertain themselves ever before. I firmly believe that it is true and agree with the statement. My stand is justified in the ensuing paragraphs. The first argument to support my preference is that, because of technology advancement people are performing less innovating steps. By this I mean that, all the tasks are performed by the machinery and automation and as a result, humans have hardly any time to think something new than the age old method. Therefore, the research area is not upgraded. In addition to this, this advancement does completely make dependent the person on them. In other words, the use of technology restricts the human mind to develop any new methods. For example, introduction of calculator; although, good thing to solve mathematical problem, the usage of it make the student addicted. As per survey, now the students have issue of remembering the tables and numbers because of this gadget. Nevertheless, it provides several positive sides such as manual work is replaced and thus they can put their energy to develop new better techniques. Furthermore, the number of resigns in the firms is decreasing because of this advancement as people feel less stressed in the present time as compared to previous years. To sum up, the observation is made that advances in technology make people dependent by restrict their minds for the innovation as well as difficult without this gadget. Although, it provides the more free time for entertainment and explore the new things. My arguments are convincing that it stops the human mind development.
It is true that computers and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is introduced
in each and every field of work and it has
been observed
that spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is increasing day by day in the professional work.
However
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
up gradation the individuals are less creative
as well
as entertain themselves ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
firmly
believe that it is true and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. My stand
is justified
in the ensuing paragraphs.

The
first
argument to support my preference is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are performing less innovating steps. By this I mean that, all the tasks
are performed
by the machinery and automation and
as a result
, humans have hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
something
Use "newer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
new
than the age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
method.
Therefore
, the research area is not upgraded.

In addition
to this, this advancement does completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dependent the person on them.
In other words
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
restricts the human mind to develop any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
methods.
For example
, introduction of calculator; although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to solve mathematical problem, the usage of it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the student addicted. As per survey,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the students have issue of remembering the tables and numbers
because of this
gadget.

Nevertheless
, it provides several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides such as manual work
is replaced
and
thus
they can put their energy to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
better techniques.
Furthermore
, the number of resigns in the firms is decreasing
because of this
advancement as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
in the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as compared to previous years.

To sum up, the observation
is made
that advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dependent by restrict their minds for the innovation
as well
as difficult without this gadget. Although, it provides the more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment and explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. My arguments are convincing that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
the human mind development.
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IELTS essay Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology had made them less creative.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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