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It is suggested that all younger adult should undertake a video of unpaid worth helping people in the community does it is bringing more benefit or brought back to the younger people?

It is suggested that all younger adult should undertake a video of unpaid worth helping people in the community does it is bringing more benefit or brought back to the younger people? 032q
Nowadays, people are more focusing on career-related work, which can help in the upcoming years. It is advised that all the younger generation students should participate in volunteer work, which will help their society. This essay will argue this statement, the reasons for that are explain in the following paragraphs. To starts with, there are plenty of things, which harm children life. First and foremost, The early age of peoples is for learning so, students have to totally focus on the study program rather than other activities like a volunteer. Students take part in this type of program, they waste their valuable time and energy, which will be dangerous for them. For example, In the UK, students have to participate in unpaid work therefore, students feel uncomfortable and burden. Moreover, That waist students time and energy, as well as that, generate disturbance on student study. They cannot have much time for doing the study, which creates an impact on their academic result so, it is a beater to avoid doing work, which is unpaid. And, utilize that time on their weaker subject and get a marvellous mark on that subject. for example, in India, students can not want unpaid work. As a result, their study ratio is higher among other countries. To conclude, students have to avoid doing volunteer work and focusing on their study, which is a reasonable for their future. If students cannot do this type of work, they save time as well as energy and also get good academic results.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more focusing on career-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the upcoming years. It
is advised
that all the younger generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should participate in volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their society. This essay will argue this statement, the reasons for that are
Consider using a past participle here: "explained".
explain
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of things, which harm children life.
First
and foremost, The early age of peoples is for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
totally
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
program
rather
than other activities like a volunteer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this type of program, they waste their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy, which will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them.
For example
, In the UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
participate in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel uncomfortable and burden.

Moreover
, That waist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy,
as well
as that, generate disturbance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. They cannot have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, which creates an impact on their academic result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is a beater to avoid doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which is unpaid. And, utilize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their weaker subject and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
mark on that subject.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can not want unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
ratio is higher among other countries.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
avoid doing volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and focusing on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, which is a reasonable for their future. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot do this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as energy and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic results.
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IELTS essay It is suggested that all younger adult should undertake a video of unpaid worth helping people in the community does it is bringing more benefit or brought back to the younger people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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