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It is quite right that top sports people should be paid a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is quite right that top sports people should be paid a lot of money. XGlgY
It seems indisputable that top sports people are often paid huge salaries. Many people feel these salaries are paid in return for a fairly small contribution to society. However, in order to decide whether this situation is right or not, we need to consider other factors and not solely the remuneration paid to these sports people. On the face of it, it seems that certain top sports people earn enormous sums of money for doing something they enjoy and for doing something which does not contribute greatly to our society. For example, if we compare these salaries to the top salaries of doctors or nurses, we would see a huge difference. It seems to be this kind of comparison which, for many people, highlights the unfairness of this situation. On the other hand, the fact that people enjoy their work and the fact that they are paid much more than people in other professions is largely irrelevant. In addition, in this case, what some people see as a small contribution to society may not, in reality, be so small. Consider for example, the income and the employment which some top sports people create. While we can see that they are benefiting personally, the economy is also benefiting. We should also not forget that these people are role models for young people, and the not-so young, not only in sport but in other areas of life, too. This contribution is clearly impossible to measure, but clearly valuable. In conclusion, while it is easy to understand why the salaries of top sports is often criticised, we need to keep in mind the bigger picture and the contributions to society they make including tangible contributions to the economy as well as intangible contributions they make as role models.
It seems indisputable that
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top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
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people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
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paid
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
feel these
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salaries
are
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paid
in return for a
fairly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to
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society
.
However
, in order to decide whether this situation is right or not, we need to consider
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other
factors and not
solely
the remuneration
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paid
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the face of it, it seems that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn enormous sums of money for doing something they enjoy and for doing something which does not contribute
greatly
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, if we compare these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to the
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top
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salaries
of doctors or nurses, we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a huge difference. It seems to be this kind of comparison which, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, highlights the unfairness of this situation.

On the
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other
hand, the fact that
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people
enjoy their work and the fact that they are
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paid
much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
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other
professions is
largely
irrelevant.
In addition
,
in this case
, what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
may not, in reality, be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
. Consider
for example
, the income and the employment which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create. While we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that they are benefiting
personally
, the economy is
also
benefiting. We should
also
not forget that these
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people
are role models for young
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people
, and the not-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
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sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of life, too. This
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contribution
is
clearly
impossible to measure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
clearly
valuable.

In conclusion
, while it is easy to understand why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the bigger picture and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
including tangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
to the economy
as well
as intangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as role models.
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IELTS essay It is quite right that top sports people should be paid a lot of money.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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