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It Is Neither Possible Nor Useful For A Country To Provide Univesity Places For A High Proportion Of Young People. To What Extent Do You Agree Or Disagree v.2

It Is Neither Possible Nor Useful For A Country To Provide Univesity Places For A High Proportion Of Young People. v. 2
Some people argue that it is impossible or useful to provide higher education for a large number of young people. Personally, I suppose it is quite challenging to provide tertiary education to all youngsters but it is likely necessary for them to receive a higher education. One the one hand, it is infeasible to make places for almost all young people at universities. First of all, this requires to construct more of educational establishments from the government. It will also demand human resources in order to manage and maintain these while the government almost likely have not received any benefit from all this. Secondly, an increase of universities would result in less competitive admission rates, following with the standard of university would be lower down results in unemployed graduates. On the other hand, having a university degree has a vital role in the future of young people in this knowledge-based society. In Vietnam, most of the recruiters prefer candidates with formal qualifications or theoretical knowledge. The fact that studying in the universities helps youngsters to pursue higher knowledge, therefore, create more job opportunities than who do not. Students have the chance to access with practical skills and hands-on experience courses, nurture essential skills in the area they want. As a result, it will be an increase in the number of skilled workers. In conclusion, it is not practical to provide university education to all young people, but I believe that increasing the chance to receive higher knowledge in a suitable way is beneficial for the young generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is impossible or useful to provide higher education for
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Personally
, I suppose it is quite challenging
Did you mean "providing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to provide
tertiary education to all youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is likely necessary for them to receive a higher education.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, it is infeasible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
places for almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this requires to construct more of educational establishments from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It will
also
demand human resources in order to manage and maintain these while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
almost likely have not received any benefit from all this.
Secondly
, an increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
would result in less competitive admission rates, following with the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would be lower down results in unemployed graduates.

On the other hand
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree has a vital role in the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this knowledge-based society. In Vietnam, most of the recruiters prefer candidates with formal qualifications or theoretical knowledge. The fact that studying in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
youngsters to pursue higher knowledge,
therefore
, create more job opportunities than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not. Students have the chance to access with practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and hands-on experience courses, nurture essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the area they want.
As a result
, it will be an increase in the number of skilled workers.

In conclusion
, it is not practical to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that increasing the chance to receive higher knowledge
Consider replacing "in a suitable way" with the adverb for "suitable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a suitable way
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay It Is Neither Possible Nor Useful For A Country To Provide Univesity Places For A High Proportion Of Young People. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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