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it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a large city

it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a large city BJ5q6
These days almost everyone spends a lot of time watching their favorite television programs. However, I strongly believe that the advent of televised entertainment has not had a negative effect on interpersonal communication. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, I contend that television actually helps people to have more meaningful conversations. In the past, people mostly talked about what they had in common. Often, talk of this sort was quite limited because people lived fairly simple lives. These days, in contrast, individuals can enjoy spirited discussions about the wide array of current events and world affairs that they hear about on television every day. For example, I have a regular Friday lunch date with my work colleagues at a local restaurant. We do talk about office affairs, but most of our conversations are about the wide world around us which we learn about from watching television. We talk about everything from political developments in distant countries to sports results from entirely different continents. I strongly believe that without television to supply us with topics, my colleagues and I would talk mainly about banal office gossip. Secondly, I am of the opinion that television has mostly replaced solitary activities, rather than interactions with others. It appears that television has mainly taken the place of hobbies like reading and exercising that we used to do alone. My own experience is compelling evidence of this. I grew up in a very rural area without access to stable television signals. As a result, I spent my time either hanging out with friends or just reading books and magazines. When I started university, however, I moved to a big city and suddenly had access to one hundred channels. Almost immediately, watching shows and movies replaced reading as my primary hobby, but I still had time to do things with my classmates. I now read almost no books, but I still have meaningful conversations with friends on a regular basis. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that the advent of television has harmed communication between friends and family. I feel this way because television supplies us with a variety of topics which we can discuss with our friends, and because television-watching has mostly replaced solitary hobbies rather than social activities.
These days almost everyone spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time watching their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs.
However
, I
strongly
believe that the advent of televised entertainment has not had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on interpersonal communication. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have more meaningful conversations. In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mostly
talked about what they had in common.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
of this sort was quite limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
fairly
simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. These days,
in contrast
, individuals can enjoy spirited discussions about the wide array of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and world affairs that they hear about on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
every day.
For example
, I have a regular Friday lunch date with my work colleagues at a local restaurant. We do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
about office affairs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of our conversations are about the wide world around us which we learn about from watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
about everything from political developments in distant countries to sports results from
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents. I
strongly
believe that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to supply us with topics, my colleagues and I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
mainly
about banal office gossip.

Secondly
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
mostly
replaced solitary activities,
rather
than interactions with others. It appears that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
mainly
taken the place of hobbies like reading and exercising that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do alone. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is compelling evidence of this. I grew up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rural area without access to stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
signals.
As a result
, I spent my time either hanging out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading books and magazines. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
university,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city and
suddenly
had access to one hundred channels. Almost immediately, watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and movies replaced reading as my primary hobby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
had time to do things with my classmates. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
read almost no books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
have meaningful conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on a regular basis.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has harmed communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
supplies us with a variety of topics which we can discuss with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
television-watching has
mostly
replaced solitary hobbies
rather
than social activities.
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IELTS essay it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a large city

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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