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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

In the past most young people preferred working for an employer as an employee, without taking risks. However nowadays that has changed. The desire to avoid to work for someone else makes many youngsters to work for themselves and set up their own company. Today many young people, who are staring their work life are more ambitious and they like to challenge themselves. This lifestyle has a lot of benefits to those who dare to start it, but there are some risks. The positive side of young people doing their own business is the freedom of choices and the creativity they can use while working. These independent youngsters can make their own working hours while an employee usually receives a work schedule from their supervisor. This schedule is required to be followed strictly because the employees depend on each other. On the other hand the chances of success in a startup business of young people are low. Young people can face lot of complications from working for themselves. The lack of dedication and effort can lead to these kind of troubles. In contrary of this working as an employer offers a more stable salary. In my opinion, starting your own business can have many drawbacks but with the right amount of dedication it can be a successful business and a stable source of money which is worth taking a risk for. It is an inspiration for all of us to see those young people being their own bosses and living a risky lifestyle to achieve their hopes and dreams.
In the past most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for an employer as an employee, without taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
However
nowadays that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The desire to avoid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for someone else
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves and set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are staring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life are more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ambitious and
they like to challenge themselves. This lifestyle has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to those who dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is the freedom of choices and the creativity they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. These independent youngsters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours while an employee
usually
receives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule from their supervisor. This schedule
is required
to
be followed
strictly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the employees depend on each other.

On the other hand
the chances of success in a startup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are low.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
complications from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves. The lack of dedication and effort can lead to
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘kind’. Did you mean “this kind” or “these kinds”?
these kind
of troubles. In contrary of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as an employer offers a more stable salary.

In my opinion, starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the right amount of dedication it can be a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and a stable source of money which is worth taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for. It is an inspiration for all of us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bosses and living a risky lifestyle to achieve their hopes and dreams.
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IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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