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Integrated EssayPassage about altruismLecturer saying altruism is also out of selfishness

Integrated EssayPassage about altruismLecturer saying altruism is also out of selfishness 9LYnp
The passage gives a positive view on the quality of altruism. It suggests that altruism is the act of acting selfless and doing good for others. The passage gives examples of humans donating vital organs to friends and families, in times of need. It also give a second example of Meerkats. The professor makes counter points to each of these acts. She mentions that though these acts would be considered selfless it could have been developed out of selfish motives. The passage states how meerkats protect each other. One of the meerkat's always stands as a guard outside the burrow while others are eating or searching for food. This way the meerkat is prone to serious danger. Firstly, since its standing alone there are more chances of it being attacked by the predator. The second atruistic quality it shows is that while others are eating, it sacrifices food for guarding the group members. The professor states by referencing research work that the meerkat guard is the one who eats the first. Only then, does it agree to guard others. Also since it stands just outside the burrow there are more chances that on spotting the predator it would be the first one to run away. Also the alarm that the meerkat signals would distract the predator's attention from the guard to the other meerkats. The passage tells how humans donate organs to family and friend which in turn shows altruism. The professor rejects this as an act of altruism. She stated that some humans crave for appreciation, praise and approval from society. For such humans non materialistic rewards matter more than materialistic rewards. So for gaining these non materialistic rewards, an individual could donate even vital body organs. This is how there is a contrast of opinions in the passage with that of what is mentioned by the professor in the lecture. Altruism according to the passage is complete selflessness but altruism according to the professor is selflessness arising mainly due to selfishness.
The
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passage
gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
view on the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altruism
. It suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altruism
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
of acting selfless and doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for others. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
gives examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
donating vital organs to friends and families, in times of need. It
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
a second example of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Meerkats
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
counter points to each of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
. She mentions that though these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
would
be considered
selfless it could have
been developed
out of selfish motives.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
states how
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
protect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. One of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
's always stands as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
outside the burrow while others are eating or searching for food. This way the
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
is prone to serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Firstly
, since its standing alone there are more chances of it
being attacked
by the predator. The second
Possible spelling mistake found.
atruistic
quality it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
is that while others are eating, it sacrifices food for guarding the group members. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
states by referencing research work that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
is the one who eats the
first
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then, does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
others.
Also
since it stands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
outside the burrow there are more chances that on spotting the predator it would be the
first
one to run away.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the alarm that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
signals would distract the predator's attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
.

The
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passage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
donate organs to family and friend which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altruism
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
rejects this as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altruism
. She stated that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
crave for appreciation, praise and approval from society. For such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non materialistic
rewards matter more than materialistic rewards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for gaining these
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non materialistic
rewards, an individual could donate even vital body organs.

This is how there is a contrast of opinions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
with that of what
is mentioned
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
in the lecture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Altruism
according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
is complete selflessness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altruism
according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
is selflessness arising
mainly
due to selfishness.
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IELTS essay Integrated EssayPassage about altruismLecturer saying altruism is also out of selfishness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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