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During times of economic crisis, which area of spending do you think the government should reduce: education, healthcare or support for the unemployed?

During times of economic crisis, which area of spending do you think the government should reduce: education, healthcare or support for the unemployed? 15mWW
Nowadays, many countries are dealing with economic crisis which the governments try to handle the crisis by changing budgets in each area hoping to finish the economic condition in the shortest time. One of the controversial topics in these situations is that government should cut budgets in which field: education, health care, or support for the unemployed? In my point of view, cutting the budget of education cannot produce detrimental effects in a short time, hence, seemingly it is the best option among these three suggestions. My statement will be substantiated by the following paragraphs. To begin with, during economic crises many people experience financial problems, hence, they cannot eat nutritive food adequately. Hence, the rate of sickness is increased among people. In addition, due to the financial problems, the number of people suffered from depression and mental disorders will increase, as well. In this situation, the government must carefully see the bad consequences of economic condition on health of people and plan for managing it. Therefore, cutting budget of health care system is not possible at all. Secondly, the rate of unemployment is strongly related to the economic condition of a society. The more unemployment rate is, the low prosperity in economy is. Thus, the first goal of governments must be reducing the rate of unemployment so as to manage the economic condition in a shorter time. It is noteworthy mentioning that in such situations which the number of unemployed persons drastically increases, many of them, particularly young people, immigrate to the other countries to find a job which it makes the economic condition worse than previous due to missing young people. In this regard, cutting budget from this section is the worst decision, in my opinion. Finally, it is universally accepted that educational system in each country is the basis for countries. An effect educational system can play a pivot role in thriving of the society. However, it is believed that effects of educational systems are seen after at least 10 years. Therefore, in economic crises, educational system can be considered as a potential candidate to cut its budget. Although cutting budget of educational system can be reduced the pace of advancement, it does not affect everyday life of people. Due to the aforementioned ground, I firmly believe that cutting budget of educational system during economic crises is less harmful in comparison with cutting budgets from health care or support of unemployment rate.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
try to handle the crisis by changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
in each area hoping to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
in the shortest time. One of the controversial topics in these situations is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
in which field: education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, or support for the unemployed? In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
of education cannot produce detrimental effects in a short time,
hence
,
seemingly
it is the best option among these three suggestions. My statement will
be substantiated
by the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience financial problems,
hence
, they cannot eat nutritive food
adequately
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of sickness
is increased
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, due to the financial problems, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffered from depression and mental disorders will increase,
as well
. In this situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
carefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and plan for managing it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is not possible at all.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
strongly
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of a society. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is, the low prosperity in economy is.
Thus
, the
first
goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
in a shorter time. It is noteworthy mentioning that in such situations which the number of unemployed persons
drastically
increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them,
particularly
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, immigrate to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to find a job which it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
worse than previous due to missing young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
from this section is the worst decision, in my opinion.

Finally
, it is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the basis for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. An effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can play a pivot role in thriving of the society.
However
, it
is believed
that effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
after at least 10 years.
Therefore
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can
be considered
as a potential candidate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the pace of advancement, it does not affect everyday life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Due to the aforementioned ground, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises is less harmful
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care or support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
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IELTS essay During times of economic crisis, which area of spending do you think the government should reduce: education, healthcare or support for the unemployed?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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