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International sporting events such as Olympics games and football World Cup provide an outlet for patiotic feeling and help reduce international tensions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

International sporting events such as Olympics games and football World Cup provide an outlet for patiotic feeling and help reduce international tensions. with this opinion? 03JO
Nowadays, national feelings for international sporting events such as Olympics, football and cricket are becoming increasingly popular. These international sports items significantly diminish the conflict between the countries. I completely agree to this statement. First of all, people in different nation give more importance to the games than the participating country. Because, international games like cricket, basket ball, tennis etc are popular only in some countries. Obviously people in these countries will attracted to more games in some other countries. This become the reason for reducing the international tensions. For instance, the world famous footballer Ronaldo has not only the fans From his own countries but from all over the world. Secondly, international sporting events provide great knowledge about different countries. If the person is interested in one of the game, he gets information about the culture, language and food of different nations. This enhance the interest towards the country and broaden the horizon of globalization. In my personal opinion, famous game events give more opportunity to manage the problems between the countries by increase passion towards the games and providing reliable information.
Nowadays, national feelings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Olympics, football and cricket are becoming
increasingly
popular. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sports items
significantly
diminish the conflict between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nation give more importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than the participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket, basket ball, tennis etc are popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will attracted to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This become the reason for reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tensions.
For instance
, the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
footballer Ronaldo has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the fans From his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from all over the world.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide great knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If the person
is interested
in one of the game, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
information about the culture, language and food of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.
The verb 'enhance' is plural. Did you mean: "This enhances"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This enhance
the interest towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and broaden the horizon of globalization. In my personal opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
give more opportunity to manage the problems between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by increase passion towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and providing reliable information.
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IELTS essay International sporting events such as Olympics games and football World Cup provide an outlet for patiotic feeling and help reduce international tensions. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • International sporting events such as Olympics games and football World Cup provide an outlet for patiotic feeling and help reduce international tensions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?