Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Independent writing task 2 TPO 34

Independent writing task 2 TPO 34 850ax
Education is an important part of our children's lives. Their future depend on their acadmic levels and on how well they do in schools. Some people argue that social networking web site, cell phone, and online games affect negatively on children's education; others would disagree. Personally I believe that these things actually benefit our children and improve their education for the following justifications. To begin with, social networking web sites are good for students' education. They can find different resouces that have fabulous information obout different subjects. There are videos that make explaination of any subject better and easier. Studying through Internet is interesting and can appeal students of different ages. For example, my older son enjoys watching BrainBob. com which contain a lot of topics about sciences, and that makes his studying of science at school much easire since he has already gained information and knowledge from this web site. Therefore such web sites can benefit students in their education. Online games have a great impact in developing children' brain. When a child play video games quickly, this will enable him to think and react fast. He also will learn how to use key pads in his I Pod or laptop, and this will help him to learn some computer skills which are really important in today world. However, the beneficial effects of these games depends on how much time a child would spend during a day. It sould be no more than one hour during shool days and two hours during weekends. Thus by organizing the time of playing, a child can enjoy playing and get benefits without affecting on his studies. Finally, cell phone also has some advantages in education. A student can call his colleagues to ask some urgent questions or resources before an exam. So, he can get the required information that he needs within few seconds. And still I believe it depends on the time as online games. A child should not use his cell phone for a long time and waste his education time. There should be a balance of cell phone usage. To sum up, some people may think these kind of technology may have a bad influence on the education of our children. In contrast I believe they have gorgeous effects on eduction because they are attractive to must of children. They are easy to be used, and very informative. But we should make a limit to their usage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Their future
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "depends".
depend
on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
acadmic
levels and on how well they do in schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affect
negatively
on children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
; others would disagree.
Personally
I believe that these things actually benefit our children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the following justifications.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. They can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
resouces
that have fabulous information
Possible spelling mistake found.
obout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects. There are videos that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
explaination
of any subject better and easier. Studying through Internet is interesting and can appeal students of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.
For example
, my older son enjoys watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
BrainBob
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
which contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
topics about sciences, and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his studying of science at school much
Possible spelling mistake found.
easire
since he has already gained information and knowledge from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
can benefit students in their education.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a great impact in developing children' brain. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
quickly
, this will enable him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and react
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. He
also
will learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
key pads in his
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I Pod
or laptop, and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world.
However
, the beneficial effects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
depends on how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would spend during a day. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
sould
be no more than one hour during
Possible spelling mistake found.
shool
days and two hours during weekends.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
by organizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of playing, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can enjoy playing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits without affecting on his studies.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. A student can call his colleagues to ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urgent questions or resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an exam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the required information that he needs within few seconds. And
still
I believe it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and waste his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. There should be a balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of technology may have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of our children. In
The comma is probably missing here: "contrast, I".
contrast I
believe they have gorgeous effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
eduction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are attractive to
Did you mean "most of" or "must have"?
must of
children. They are easy to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
informative.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a limit to their usage.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Independent writing task 2 TPO 34

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
408 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Independent writing task 2 TPO 34