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INCLUSION OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION IN SCHOOL CURRICULUM FOR ALL AGE SCHOOLS

INCLUSION OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION IN SCHOOL CURRICULUM FOR ALL AGE SCHOOLS BJ3G6
Inclusion of Physical Education (P. E) classes in the school curriculum is considered an essential element of schooling for some people however others lay down greater emphasis on academic subjects for the students. It is pertinent to note that PE involves a variety of sporting and outdoor activities that help in the physical, emotional and mental wellbeing of the students. In contrast the knowledge of academic subjects improve the reasoning, logical and creative abilities of the student which proves beneficial for a successful career path. The school environment provides an opportunity to develop his or her extra-curricular skills along with the academic skillset. Human emotions such as anger, respect, teamwork and competitiveness can be appreciated and matured through regular PE classes. On the other hand, some parents might feel that PE classes might be a distraction from academic studies or a chance of exploitation for some students by the bullies in a school. In my opinion, PE classes have been a great source of inspiration for my mental and emotional development. Whenever I used to participate in cricket or footballing events I was highly motivated to compete, win or give my best for my team. In modern times there is a greater need for PE classes because our children play indoor video games and consume unhealthy food causing obesity and lack of exercise leading to various diseases such as cancer, blood pressure and Diabetes. Even though some people may consider PE classes less advantageous for the career but the physical and mental training through PE classes can open up endless possibilities for a prosperous future.
Inclusion of Physical Education (P. E)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the school curriculum
is considered
an essential element of schooling for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
however
others lay down greater emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is pertinent to note that PE involves a variety of sporting and outdoor activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the physical, emotional and mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the reasoning, logical and creative abilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
which proves beneficial for a successful career path.

The school environment provides an opportunity to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
extra-curricular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillset
. Human emotions such as anger, respect, teamwork and competitiveness can
be appreciated
and matured through regular PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents might feel that PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
might be a distraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies or a chance of exploitation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by the bullies in a school.

In my opinion, PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
have been a great source of inspiration for my mental and emotional development. Whenever I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to participate in cricket or footballing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
I was
highly
motivated to compete, win or give my best for my team. In modern times there is a greater need for PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our children play indoor video games and consume unhealthy food causing obesity and lack of exercise leading to various diseases such as cancer, blood pressure and Diabetes.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may consider PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
less advantageous for the career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the physical and mental training through PE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can open up endless possibilities for a prosperous future.
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IELTS essay INCLUSION OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION IN SCHOOL CURRICULUM FOR ALL AGE SCHOOLS

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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