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In todays world many families find it necessary for both parents to go outside home for work to earn money. But children feel lack of support in the absence of parents. Discuss and give your opinion.

In todays world many families find it necessary for both parents to go outside home for work to earn money. But children feel lack of support in the absence of parents. Discuss and give your opinion. GM3Vx
In this materialistic world, people are running in the rat race to accomplish more and more in education, business, employment and so on. Presently, earning money is supposed to be a dire need to survive happily for both parents. By contrast, absence of parents is becoming perilous for future of their children. Here, this essay will account for both sides with my own perception. There are multifarious points to support former view. First and foremost, earning by both parents allows to offer aristocratic lifestyle to their juveniles. For example, parents can afford expensive but luxurious el. . .
In this materialistic world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are running in the rat race to accomplish more and more in education, business, employment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Presently
, earning money
is supposed
to be a dire need to survive
happily
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. By contrast, absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is becoming perilous for future of their children. Here, this essay will account for both sides with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

There are multifarious points to support former view.
First
and foremost, earning by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "offering"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to offer
aristocratic lifestyle to their juveniles.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can afford expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
luxurious
Possible spelling mistake found.
el
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay In todays world many families find it necessary for both parents to go outside home for work to earn money. But children feel lack of support in the absence of parents. Discuss and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
98 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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