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In today’s world, as average life expectancy rises, people are living longer and longer after retirement.

In today’s world, as average life expectancy rises, people are living longer and longer after retirement. jjWL
In today’s world, as average life expectancy rises, people are living longer and longer after retirement. In some ways, it has negative impacts on both individuals as well as society. I will discuss this in upcoming paragraphs and present some solutions for them. Firstly, retirement pension is not sufficient for older people. Due to this, Living for many years may not prove to be enjoyable for the majority of old people. Moreover, getting older means their health issues will also increasing day- by- day. Secondly, this problem in one way affects society too, because most of the old people in their age suffered from diseases like heart, diabetes and so on. They need advanced treatments for their sustainability. For this, governmental authorities will increase the tax for funding purposes, which affects the society too. The best fixes to these problems can be achieved by governments. However, governments can provide better retirement plans for individuals so that they can enjoy their lives. For instance, in India, social security benefits, which is barely enough for daily requirements, there are certain NGOs through which retired people can get access to cheaper or even free utilities like grocery and medicines. To conclude, new governmental policies can be implemented by the authorities to tackle the problem of elderly retired people. It will be beneficial for all the age groups.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, as average life expectancy rises,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer and longer after retirement. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on both individuals
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
society. I will discuss this in upcoming paragraphs and present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for them.

Firstly
, retirement pension is not sufficient for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Due to this, Living for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years may not prove to be enjoyable for the majority of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, getting older means their health issues will
also
increasing day- by- day.
Secondly
, this problem in one way affects society too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their age suffered from diseases like heart, diabetes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They need advanced treatments for their sustainability. For this, governmental authorities will increase the tax for funding purposes, which affects the society too.

The best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixes
to these problems can
be achieved
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can provide better retirement plans for individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, in India, social security benefits, which is
barely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for daily requirements, there are certain NGOs through which retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to cheaper or even free utilities like grocery and medicines.

To conclude
, new governmental policies can
be implemented
by the authorities to tackle the problem of elderly retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It will be beneficial for all the age groups.
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IELTS essay In today’s world, as average life expectancy rises, people are living longer and longer after retirement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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