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In today's competitive world, many families find it for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion..

In today's competitive world, many families find it for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. . XGndw
In modern life, it is thought by some people that earning money by both parents is beneficial to supply their children financially enough whereas others feel that it may cause some problems in children upbringing because of paying attention to them by their parents insufficiently. This essay will discuss both sides and I will give my own opinion. Firstly, some people argue that working of each parent in a family is not good for children's growth because of certain reasons. At first, while parents are at work, they cannot spare enough time to their children and children may stay without any control. These factors may badly effect children's education as well as their behaviour. In addition to this, children may get moral sickness. Because they may feel themselves alone without any support in economically difficult time and in this condition, children lose their self-confidence and it may direct them to crime, which has a crucial effect for their future life. However, opponents are of the opinion that both parents need to work in order to support their children economically and it does not cause any problems in family. To begin with, parents can make accurate working plan to spend enough time to their children. And also, Mother or both parents may work part time to have time to focus on their children's growing and behaviour. Furthermore, occupied parents have sufficient money and they can urge their children to extra courses with the aim of educating their children enough. In conclusion, though some people disagree with working of both parents, career is also necessary for them. In my opinion, both parents can work without any problems if it does not harm their children.
In modern life, it is
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thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that earning money by both
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parents
is beneficial to supply their
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children
financially
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enough
whereas others feel that it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in
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children
upbringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of paying attention to them by their
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parents
insufficiently
. This essay will discuss both sides and I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.
Firstly
,
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some
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people
argue that working of each
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parent
in a family is not
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good
for children's growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain reasons. At
first
, while
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parents
are at
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work
, they cannot spare
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enough
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time
to their
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children
and
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children
may stay without any control. These factors may
badly
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
children's education
as well
as their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
In addition
to this,
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children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
moral sickness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they may feel themselves alone without any support in
economically
difficult
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time
and in this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose their self-confidence and it may direct them to crime, which has a crucial effect for their future life.
However
, opponents are of the opinion that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
economically
and it does not cause any problems in family. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
accurate working plan to spend
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enough
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time
to their
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children
. And
also
, Mother or both
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parents
may
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work
part
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time
to have
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time
to focus on their children's growing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Furthermore
, occupied
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parents
have sufficient
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they can urge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to extra courses with the aim of educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
.
In conclusion
, though
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with working of both
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parents
, career is
also
necessary for them. In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without any problems if it does not harm their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay In today's competitive world, many families find it for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. .

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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