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In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate online without any face-to-face contact with other people. Is it a positive or negative development?

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate online without any face-to-face contact with other people. Is it a positive or negative development? PJ5J
Although for many centuries face-to-face communication between people has been the main way of their interaction, it is now possible to minimize personal contact and do everything online. Chatting only online, people can interact despite the distance between them and protect themselves from contagious diseases, but there are also drawbacks to be taken into account. Firstly, one benefit for people interacting online is the possibility to have a conversation with each other living in different parts of the world. Thus, the Internet shortens the distance between people in a figurative way, making communication accessible for almost everyone irrespective of the location and no matter where. Secondly, the current pandemic is also fostering online communication and e-commerce. For almost a year people have been advised to stay at home and for those who are at risk, shopping and chatting on the Internet is one of the few ways to be in touch with the outside world. On the other hand, expressing emotion face to face has a substantially larger meaning than attempting to express emotion through texts or chats. Sarcasm, for instance, is often immensely difficult to express in writing, while in personal contact, a person's intention to speak ironically might be obvious enough. In addition, sometimes online interaction can be unsafe and even harmful to someone's health. Many studies support the fact that with the advent of social media, adolescents have become more anxious and more vulnerable to various psychological disorders. Also, the widespread occurrence of such phenomena as cyberbullying and cybercrime are important arguments against transitioning towards only online communication. In conclusion, while people can benefit from shopping and chatting online, it also can lead to some serious consequences like the lack of emotional exchange or the loss of money due to cyber fraud
Although for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries face-to-face communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been the main way of their interaction, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible to minimize personal contact and do everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Chatting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can interact despite the distance between them and protect themselves from contagious diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, one benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is the possibility to have a conversation with each other living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.
Thus
, the Internet shortens the distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Consider replacing "in a figurative way" with the adverb for "figurative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a figurative way
, making communication accessible for almost everyone irrespective of the location and no matter where.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
pandemic is
also
fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication and e-commerce. For almost a year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been advised
to stay at home and for those who are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, shopping and chatting on the Internet is one of the few ways to be in touch with the outside world.

On the other hand
, expressing emotion face to face has a
substantially
larger meaning than attempting to express emotion through texts or chats. Sarcasm,
for instance
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
immensely
difficult to express in writing, while in personal contact, a person's intention to speak
ironically
might be obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
interaction can be unsafe and even harmful to someone's health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies support the fact that with the advent of social media, adolescents have become more anxious and more vulnerable to various psychological disorders.
Also
, the widespread occurrence of such phenomena as cyberbullying and cybercrime are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
arguments against transitioning towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit from shopping and chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it
also
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
the lack of emotional exchange or the loss of money due to cyber fraud
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IELTS essay In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate online without any face-to-face contact with other people. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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