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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? VBY0J
The majority of individuals all over the world still have a problem relating to hunger, regardless of the developments which were made in the agricultural sphere. A huge variety of reasons can affect this issue, since it is necessary to mention that nowadays the strategy implemented by a number of states is non-proper. In addition, the cost-effectiveness of the equipment and insufficient interest of people to this area ought to be taken into account. Firstly, the main cause of hunger nowadays is the non-right direction of development, which is realized by the countries. In particular, the representatives of some countries do not consider the agricultural sphere as the main source of economy. In their opinion, other spheres of economy are more valuable and it can give additional advantages and earnings to them. For instance, a great number of African countries have a possibility to grow required for the population life plants, instead of that they are choosing another path. Therefore, a list of countries might change the situation in their favor and feed their population. Secondly, the highest proportion of developing countries has problems in purchasing high-developed techniques, which are crucial in agriculture. Hence, it leads to the obvious problems and the required equipment such as tractors are important in the solving of malnutrition problems. Furthermore, the lack of interest by personalities and the requirement of hard-work in the production of rural products are important to consider. For instance, nowadays the highest percentage of students worldwide tended to continue their studies in the sphere of either industry or services. Thus, the attraction of people’s attention will significantly change the situation of hunger. In conclusion, a couple of problems such as the shortage of interest, equipment and right strategy are important and in case of solving it, the global population is able to overcome the difficulties, which exist at present.
The majority of individuals all over the world
still
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
relating to hunger, regardless of the developments which
were made
in the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
. A huge variety of reasons can affect this issue, since it is necessary to mention that nowadays the strategy implemented by a number of states is non-proper.
In addition
, the cost-effectiveness of the equipment and insufficient interest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to this area ought to
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, the main cause of hunger nowadays is the non-right direction of development, which
is realized
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In particular
, the representatives of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not consider the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
as the main source of economy. In their opinion, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spheres
of economy are more valuable and it can give additional advantages and earnings to them.
For instance
, a great number of African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a possibility to grow required for the population life plants,
instead
of that they are choosing another path.
Therefore
, a list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation in their favor and feed their population.

Secondly
, the highest proportion of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in purchasing high-developed techniques, which are crucial in agriculture.
Hence
, it leads to the obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and the required equipment such as tractors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the solving of malnutrition problems.

Furthermore
, the lack of
In English, people don't say "interest by'. They say, "interest in'. Did you mean "interest in"?
interest by
personalities and the requirement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work in the production of rural products are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider.
For instance
, nowadays the highest percentage of students worldwide tended to continue their studies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
of either industry or services.
Thus
, the attraction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s attention will
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation of hunger.

In conclusion
, a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as the shortage of interest, equipment and right strategy are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and in case of solving it, the global population is able to overcome the difficulties, which exist at present.
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IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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