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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

It is commonly believed that, by working hard children can reach the pinnacle of success. Although there are lots of merits and demerits. In the below passages I am going to discuss both. On the one hand, at the young stage of every child has tended to be good dreamer. As a result, they want to accomplish their dreams. By motivating them to do work persistently, younger are motived to do enormous things, they can segregate themselves to others. Such things make them excel their future career and stir up to focus on main objectives instead wondering to search better option. More importantly, by the accomplishment of a single dream, it would be encouraging them to take another step to culmination. Thus, this can inspire them to do any work patiently, persistently and more precisely. On the other hand, it is inevitable that, failing to achieve dreams, sometimes demotivate to someone. Because not all student is same as aforementioned types. Student feel dispassionate, uninterested and impassive after a drastic fail. They fail to stand up straight after unsuccessful work because they thing their effort was not far enough to get for achievement. This can be exemplified by children who study all the time because they want to be top students and suffer from mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and isolation. To conclude, although it is beneficial to tell children that working hard towards a goal always yields positive results, it can cause them issues such as frustration and burnout.
It is
commonly
believed that, by working
hard
children can reach the pinnacle of success. Although there are lots of merits and demerits. In the below passages I am going to discuss both.

On the one hand, at the young stage of every child has tended to be
good
dreamer.
As a result
, they want to accomplish their dreams. By motivating them to do work
persistently
, younger are
motived
to do enormous things, they can segregate themselves to others. Such things
make
them excel their future career and stir up to focus on main objectives
instead
wondering to search better option. More
importantly
, by the accomplishment of a single dream, it would be encouraging them to take another step to culmination.
Thus
, this can inspire them to do any work
patiently
,
persistently
and more
precisely
.

On the other hand
, it is inevitable that, failing to achieve dreams,
sometimes
demotivate to someone.
Because
not all student is same as aforementioned types. Student
feel
dispassionate, uninterested and impassive after a drastic fail. They fail to stand up straight after unsuccessful work
because
they
thing
their effort was not far
enough
to
get
for achievement. This can
be exemplified
by children who study all the time
because
they want to be top students and suffer from mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and isolation.

To conclude
, although it is beneficial to
tell
children that working
hard
towards a goal always yields
positive
results, it can cause them issues such as frustration and burnout.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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