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In some countries the birth rate is slowing the problem of an aging population

In some countries the birth rate is slowing the problem of an aging population PVXeJ
It has long been a subject of discussion whether in some countries, the birth rate is slowing, the problem of an aging population or not. In my opinion, the former notion has several elements that deserve attention and I will explain why using pertinent arguments. There are myriad of arguments in favor of my context, and the most conspicuous one lies in the fact that people should be extra careful with their decisions. For example, according to a recent survey done by the Stanford University, 45% people benefit from the above mentioned notion, whereas 30% people face disadvantages due to it. Hence, it is apparent why many citizens are in favor of the above stance. Another argument in support of my view is that governments worldwide have become more active in dealing with this situation. To illustrate, as per recent academic research carried out by the Australian government, 60% citizens gained immensely from the proposed government reforms. They improved their existing scenario tremendously and that paved the way for a better economic future. Therefore, not only will this make people more careful and pragmatic in their approach, but also will it lead to a better living standard. From what has been discussed above, it is clear that the benefits of the given topic significantly outweigh the drawbacks. Lastly, in my opinion, it would be wise to say in some countries, the birth rate is slowing, the problem of an aging population.
It has long been a subject of discussion whether in
some
countries, the birth rate is slowing, the problem of an aging population or not. In my opinion, the former notion has several elements that deserve attention and I will
explain
why using pertinent arguments.

There are myriad of arguments in favor of my context, and the most conspicuous one lies in the fact that
people
should be extra careful with their decisions.
For example
, according to a recent survey done by the Stanford University, 45%
people
benefit from the above mentioned notion, whereas 30%
people
face disadvantages due to it.
Hence
, it is apparent why
many
citizens are in favor of the above stance.

Another argument in support of my view is that
governments
worldwide have become more active in dealing with this situation. To illustrate, as per recent academic research carried out by the Australian
government
, 60% citizens gained
immensely
from the proposed
government
reforms. They
improved
their existing scenario
tremendously
and that paved the way for a better economic future.
Therefore
, not
only
will this
make
people
more careful and pragmatic in their approach,
but
also
will it lead to a better living standard.

From what has
been discussed
above, it is
clear
that the benefits of the
given
topic
significantly
outweigh the drawbacks.
Lastly
, in my opinion, it would be wise to say in
some
countries, the birth rate is slowing, the problem of an aging population.
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IELTS essay In some countries the birth rate is slowing the problem of an aging population

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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