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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? RjYP
In the recent years, it can be seen that in many countries the average body mass of people is increasing significantly. The major cause of this problem could be an excess use of technology. Due to this, people are unwilling to perform physical exercises which is ultimately leading to an unfit and an unhealthy body. However, there are certain remedial measures that can be taken into account if someone wants a healthy life. In the ancient life, people did not have much facilities yet they used to be physically fit. But after the invention of certain comfortable technologies, people are totally dependent on them. For instance, online shopping is a major problem. In the early times, family members used to go out for purchasing goods together but now people can shop anything and at anytime by sitting at their homes. This has made people lazy and unfit. Another cause of this acute problem is augment in the level of stress. There is alot of competition in the society and life has become even more challenging. In organisations, employees are envy of their co-workers or collegues which leads to an ugly competition. Due to this, people cannot manage their lives and it forges a barrier between professional life and personal life. These causes leads to mental problems and an unfit body which intimately contributes to an increase in body weight. To maintain a sound body, there can be certain remedial measures that can be taken into consideration. Regular meditation and exercise is the best possible way to lead a healthy life. Meditation and yoga helps in stress management and creates positivity in life. Another solution could be a healthy diet. Eating home cooked food controls the increasing rate of obesity and decreases the ailments. To conclude, I believe that technology and work stress are the two main reasons for the obesity and heavy weight of people. However, there are various solutions which perhaps increase the level of health and fitness.
In the recent years, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
mass of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing
significantly
. The major cause of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could be an excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unwilling to perform physical exercises which is
ultimately
leading to an unfit and an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
However
, there are certain remedial measures that can
be taken
into account if someone wants a healthy life.

In the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
facilities
yet
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
physically
fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after the invention of certain comfortable technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
totally
dependent on them.
For instance
, online shopping is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. In the early times, family members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go out for purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can shop anything and at anytime by sitting at their homes. This has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and unfit.

Another cause of this acute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
Consider using a past participle here: "augmented".
augment
in the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. There is
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of competition in the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has become even more challenging. In
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, employees are envy of their co-workers or
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
which leads to an ugly competition. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and it forges a barrier between professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These causes
You should probably use "lead".
leads
to mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and an unfit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
which
intimately
contributes to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
weight.

To maintain a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, there can be certain remedial measures that can
be taken
into consideration. Regular meditation and exercise is the best possible way to lead a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Meditation and yoga
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management and creates positivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Another solution could be a healthy diet. Eating home cooked food controls the increasing rate of obesity and decreases the ailments.

To conclude
, I believe that technology and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
are the two main reasons for the obesity and heavy weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, there are various solutions which perhaps increase the level of health and fitness.
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IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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