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In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development You should write at least 254 words.

Nowadays, most of employees are becoming spent long hours at work as overtime in order to complete their job responsibilities. In my opinion, I believe that it is negative development that happening in common societies for various factors. In this essay, I will discuss the various factors for it. On the one hand, people today have to do more many job responsibilities than people in the past because many sophisticated projects, business, communication and innovation plans are become developed in today IT world. The main cause for long working hours or overtime is that every company are becoming rival with each other for both profits and outcomes. On the other hand, if staffs will work long hours in order to accomplish jobs quckily, this work done may be positive benefits or profits for employers. Nevertheless, it may be contributed to stressful life for workers. Consequently, workers become less concentration at works and proficiency. For example, let suppose company's working hours is from 9am to 5pm, however, if workers have to continue works after arrival to home, he or she may feel stress and become less private time with family. Therefore, employers should fix working hours exactly and avoid giving too much overtime to staffs for their success as well as achievement. Nevertheless, employer should give bonus or extra overtime fee for working long hours in some inevitable circumstances. In conclusion, governments should impose labor laws how much working hours should be had for business or companies. Besides, another laws related with overtime fee also should be introduced. By this way, we can build a postive relationship between employers and workers.
Nowadays,
After ‘most of’, you should use ‘the’ (“most of the employees”) or simply say “most employees”.
most of employees
are becoming spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as overtime in order to complete their job responsibilities. In my opinion, I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that happening in common societies for various factors. In this essay, I will discuss the various factors for it.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job responsibilities than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sophisticated projects, business, communication and innovation plans
are become
developed in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
IT world. The main cause for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
or overtime is that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
are becoming rival with each other for both profits and outcomes.

On the other hand
, if staffs will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in order to accomplish jobs
Possible spelling mistake found.
quckily
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits or profits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
Nevertheless
, it may
be contributed
to stressful life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
become less concentration at works and proficiency.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
suppose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is from 9am to 5pm,
however
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue works after arrival to home, he or she may feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and become less private time with family.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
exactly and avoid giving too much overtime to staffs for their success
as well
as achievement.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
should give bonus or extra overtime fee for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inevitable circumstances.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should impose labor laws how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should
be had
for business or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Besides
, another laws related with overtime fee
also
should
be introduced
. By this way, we can build a
Possible spelling mistake found.
postive
relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.

IELTS essay In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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