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in some countries owing a house is more important than renting a house. why is that? is this a positive or negative development?

in some countries owing a house is more important than renting a house. why is that? is this a positive or negative development? qawDw
It is argued that owning a home play a vital role in people’s lives while some people think that it is not important and necessary. From my point of view, I think this trend brings lots of benefits which help people to have a stable life and provide ​​​​utilities in their lives. On the one hand, owning accommodations have some negatives impact on our lives. Firstly, most people living in cities are not capital of buying a house due to the increase significantly of accommodation prices, which might put high pressure on workers or employees. They are likely to engender feelings of inadequacy, jealousy with the upper classes and become bored with work. In addition, buying a house uses a lot of money because people want to live in a good apartment or a house in the city which is convincing for hanging out and going to commercials. This causes insufficient population in rural areas and poor facilities for living. Suburb zones in Viet Nam, for example, usually face difficulties with poor conditions such as lack of water, electricity, and goods because of the fact that these are provided for large cities. On the other hand, I believe that homeownership is an advantages trend. The first one, owning a home show off your status, and also home is considered as a top priority of parents that they want to give back to their children. Thanks to this, people have more motivation for work in order to give their families the best things and save a huge of money. The second one is the right to control everything in your home and also your apartment. For instance, while tenants have to ask the owner when doing something with the house, people who owned the home can decorate their house what they want like hanging the picture, changing the color, or even drawing on the wall, which helps them have a stable and more convincing life. In conclusion, I strongly believe that owning a home is a more positive impact on owners, but it also offers negative impacts for people in some countries.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a home play a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and necessary. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this trend brings lots of benefits which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a stable life and provide ​​​​utilities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
accommodations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in cities are not capital of buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
due to the increase
significantly
of accommodation prices, which might put high pressure on workers or employees. They are likely to engender feelings of inadequacy, jealousy with the upper classes and become bored with work.
In addition
, buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
apartment or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
in the city which is convincing for hanging out and going to commercials. This causes insufficient population in rural areas and poor facilities for living. Suburb zones in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam,
for example
,
usually
face difficulties with poor conditions such as lack of water, electricity, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
these
are provided
for large cities.

On the other hand
, I believe that homeownership is an advantages trend. The
first
one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off your status, and
also
home
is considered
as a top priority of parents that they want to give back to their children. Thanks to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more motivation for work in order to give their families the best things and save
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
money. The second one is the right to control everything in your home and
also
your apartment.
For instance
, while tenants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask the owner when doing something with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
the home can decorate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
what they want like hanging the picture, changing the color, or even drawing on the wall, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them have a stable and more convincing life.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a home is a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on owners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
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IELTS essay in some countries owing a house is more important than renting a house. why is that? is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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