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In some countries, high school or college students have jobs. Do you think this is a good idea? Give reasons and details to support your answer.

In some countries, high school or college students have jobs. Do you think this is a good idea? Give reasons and details to support your answer. 0ABD5
The topic, whether it is a good idea for the students to work while studying in school or college is a great interest of debate. A few might believe that it's not a good idea however, as far as I am concerned, I agree that it is a great idea. I will evaluate the reasons in the following passage. To begin with, earning some money while studying at school or college would make them independent. In other words, they do not have to ask for money, they can readily use their earnings for their expenditures. These days colleges or high schools organize various trips or educational programs and for which they need to deposit a fee so, instead of asking from their parents or caregiver, they could easily use the money that they earn doing the job. My individual life is a compelling example of this. During my freshman year in university, I worked as a part-time computer tutor, hence I could earn a good amount of money for my daily expenses and on top of that, I had enough time for my study. This demonstrates how effective it is to work while being a student. Further, doing a part-time job could give a break from the daily study schedule. What I mean is that sometimes, studies become too hectic or stressful and you could feel drained out and exhausted so, in such circumstances, a part-time job would rejuvenate and freshen up our brain thus, it can maintain a balance in our life. In addition to that, we get to mingle with a diverse group of people. For instance, when I was in my high school days during my final year, I worked in a local library near my home and I made lots of new friends there as well as I got to learn some computer skills too. It didn't simply give me some money It also improved my communication skills. According to the recent survey conducted by a local university, students who do the job are more likely to get better jobs after their studies than those who simply attend school or college. In conclusion, because of these two reasons, I feel that It is a good idea to have a job while studying in school or college.
The topic, whether it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
for the students to work while studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or college is a great interest of debate. A
Possible agreement error. The noun might seems to be uncountable; consider using: "little might".
few might
believe that it's not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
however
, as far as I
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
. I will evaluate the reasons in the following passage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or college would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent.
In other words
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can
readily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their earnings for their expenditures. These days colleges or high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
organize various trips or educational programs and for which they need to deposit a fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
instead
of asking from their parents or caregiver, they could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they earn doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. My individual life is a compelling example of this. During my freshman year in university, I worked as a part-time computer tutor,
hence
I could earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for my daily expenses and
on top of that
, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This demonstrates how effective it is to work while being a student.

Further
, doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could give a break from the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
schedule. What I mean is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
become too hectic or stressful and you could feel drained out and exhausted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in such circumstances, a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
would rejuvenate and freshen up our brain
thus
, it can maintain a balance in our life.
In addition
to that, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to mingle with a diverse group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, when I was in my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days during my final year, I worked in a local library near my home and I made lots of new friends there
as well
as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
too. It didn't
simply
give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
my communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. According to the recent survey conducted by a local university, students who do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
than those who
simply
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or college.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these two reasons, I feel that It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or college.
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IELTS essay In some countries, high school or college students have jobs. Do you think this is a good idea? Give reasons and details to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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