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In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. 9Vgp
Freedom plays a pivotal role in everybody’s life. We can see in today’s modernized era that nobody likes to be restricted, whether it is a child or an adult. Some people think that there should have some strict rules of behavior for children, but I disagree with this statement. Wherever it is a reality that sometimes more restrictions can cause more frustration in children, which leads to many other mental problems as well. Morever they can be, behave like a stubborn. Sometimes they feel themselves under pressure, which can be the main reason for their poor performance in their field. In some cases children may insist on doing these things from where we? ll try to keep them away. In other words _ we have to look for other aspects as well, like if we usually ignore our children’s bad habits, then they can't be good human beings in their future life. Moreover_ if we never draw attention upon the children’s main activities then they might end up in a bad company. They can know regarding the value of respect for their elders. They can know the importance of relationships. They can know regarding their cultural values as well. In a nutshell, I would like to say that children should be teach the value of their customs, rituals and respect towards their elders for their future life, but most of the additional restriction should be being avoided. It would be better to make them good human beings in their future.
Freedom plays a pivotal role in everybody’s life. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modernized era that nobody likes to
be restricted
, whether it is a child or an adult.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of behavior for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with this statement.

Wherever it is a reality that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
more restrictions can cause more frustration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other mental problems
as well
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
they can be, behave like
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a stubborn
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they feel themselves under pressure, which can be the main reason for their poor performance in their field. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may insist on doing these things from where we?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ll
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away.
In other words
_ we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look for other aspects
as well
, like if we
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits, then they can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human beings in their future life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
_ if we never draw attention upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
main activities then they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They can know regarding the value of respect for their elders. They can know the importance of relationships.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
can know regarding their cultural values
as well
.

In a nutshell, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "taught"?
teach
the value of their customs, rituals and respect towards their elders for their future life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the additional restriction should be
being avoided
. It would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human beings in their future.

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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