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In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v.2

In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v. 2
The US is one of the developed countries of the world and it has not left any stone un-turned in order to maintain safety. In many parts of the US, adolescents are not allowed to go outside alone after a certain time in night unless they are accompanied by an adult. In my opinion, this is one the best initiatives with respect to safety and security of teenagers. According to a study, many areas in the US are marked insecure in the night as crime rate is very high. Majorly miscreant and paedophiles operate in night and probability of teenagers falling prey to their trap is quite high. It is therefore quite important for them to be accompanied by an adult in order to avoid such situation. Safety of a child is a paramount importance of any parent; this is often compromised during late nights. Many drug dealers and kidnappers tends to target these adolescents when found alone. By going out in company of an adult will keep them safe and prevent any trap. Presence of an adult discourage these people to approach teenagers hence prevent teenagers in getting involved into any baneful situation. Furthermore, during late night hours, road are empty and people often drive in an irrational way which results into many fatal accidents. Adult company would prevent from any unforeseen incident. In a nutshell, safety and security of an underage is of utmost importance. This initiative should be taken positively as it will bring betterment in society as a whole. Hence, the curfew is rightly justified.
The US is one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
of the world and it has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
any stone
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-turned
in order to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the US, adolescents are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go outside alone after a certain time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
unless they
are accompanied
by an adult. In my opinion, this is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the best initiatives with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
and security of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

According to a study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas in the US
are marked
insecure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
as crime rate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
Majorly
miscreant and
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophiles' is British English.
paedophiles
operate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and probability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
falling prey to their trap is quite high. It is
therefore
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to
be accompanied
by an adult in order to avoid such situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Safety
of a child is a paramount importance of any parent; this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
compromised during late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
drug dealers and kidnappers tends to target these adolescents when found alone. By going out in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of an adult will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any trap. Presence of an adult discourage these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in getting involved into any baneful situation.
Furthermore
, during late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
hours, road are empty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
drive
Consider replacing "in an irrational way" with the adverb for "irrational"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an irrational way
which results into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fatal accidents. Adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from any unforeseen incident.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
and security of
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an underage
is of utmost importance. This initiative should
be taken
positively
as it will bring betterment in society as a whole.
Hence
, the curfew is
rightly
justified.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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