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In our days, an increasing number of people move to urban environments for a better life. Which factors drive them to do so and how realistic is their expectation?

In nowadays in modern world people is lot of difference from older era, humans start leaving from their village and town and move to bigger cities to find job to help their family or for better life. People now looking to do more and more money for do their worth bigger with result do not looking to help homeless and poor people. But you can find and people with billions or wealth in heart help with their knowledge e. g. , creating charities for homeless or for poor people do donation from small price to very high price or building blocks flat for people who have not chance to rent a flat. Addition sometimes many people who have help from elsewhere looking how to go higher from then but the looking to go higher with not good way for example tell lie to supervisor for their colleague to get promotion easier. My opinion is people are must to have ambition for next step in life and their career to survive because if you go with psychology down to next step is too much difficult to go higher in your career or have better life but in measurement is not good to be greedy in life hunting every chance you have go up but every day by the good way because if you go by rules in higher lever is better and all know about your work in the world. Finally, I want tell fight clear and go better and longer in life and try to delete your weakness in life and help people to have better life.
nowadays is used without ‘in’. Use simply: “nowadays”.
In nowadays
in modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
difference from older era, humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
leaving from their village and town and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to bigger cities to find job to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their family or for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
to do more and more money for do their worth bigger with result do not
After the auxiliary verb ‘do’, use the base form of a verb. Did you mean “look”?
looking
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
homeless and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
you can find and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with billions or wealth in heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with their knowledge
There should be no space here: “e.g.”.
e. g.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.
,
creating charities for

homeless or for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do donation from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
price to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high price or building blocks flat for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have not chance to rent a flat.

Addition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from elsewhere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
how to go higher from then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
to go higher with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
lie to supervisor for their colleague to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion easier.

My opinion is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
After ‘must’, the verb is used without ‘to’. Probably, you should use “must” or “have to” here.
must to
have ambition for
next
step in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and their career to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
psychology down to
next
step is too much difficult to go higher in your career or have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in measurement is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to be greedy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
hunting every chance you have go up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every day by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if you go by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in higher lever is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and all know about your work in the world.

Finally
, I want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
fight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and longer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and try to delete your weakness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay In our days, an increasing number of people move to urban environments for a better life. Which factors drive them to do so and how realistic is their expectation?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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