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In order to become financially responsible adult would you agree to handle money to children from a young age agree or not

In order to become financially responsible adult would you agree to handle money to children from a young age agree or not xmbbb
Managing own finances and utilizing the savings at the time of needs play a critically important role in a person's life, Crises and unfavorable moments are undeniable facts. Should parents realize the significance of teaching their children to overcome these circumstances, they wonder over it scrupulously. There are various schools of thoughts among the people on this issue of giving children control of their money, which some of the parents see eye to eye on it, while others see an issue with it, which in my humble opinion, giving children control of their expenditure is better to groom them as a responsible adult and in the ensuing lines, I will elaborate this on the most outstanding and cogent ground. First and foremost, teaching children to manage their own money will engender a myriad of advantages for them in the future. The main reason behind this rationale is children will learn to be more independent in their life by keeping their budgets under control. It is critically important if children know the difference between their needs and wants from the beginning. It helps them not to rely on others and manage their lives when they become grown-up. My own life is a compelling example of this. When I was in 5th grade and I was very fond of playing video games, my parents started to give me pocket money for the whole month to instill a sense of responsibility, I have to bough my all school supplies and my favorite video games from the fixed amount of money. In the start, I had great difficulty as I couldn't manage my bills and spent most of the money on my wants and left with no more money to buy essential school supplies, but gradually I figured out that if I hadn't bought video games for a month I could get my school's needs fulfilled and next month I would have bought my favorite game. Fast forward last year, I paid my college tuition fees and get admission to a prestigious university. If my parents hadn't handled the money, I would have never been an independent and successful person now. On top of this, money management motivates the children to take their studies seriously as they realize that it's not easy to earn money. Knowing the worth of money, children learn that in life nothing is free, and to have a better status in society and good quality of life, they have to struggle, so they focus on their studies and strive for the best outcome. For instance, my nephew is 10 years old, but he knows that he would have to play his role, and do good in his studies as only then he would be able to a successful person and earn a high salary. If my brother had not given him control of his pocket money he would have never realized it and had taken their parent's hard-earned money as his birthright. For the above-mentioned reason, I am completely convinced that children should have to manage their money to make them more responsible for their expenditures and dedicated to their studies.
Managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finances and utilizing the savings at the time of needs play a
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, Crises and unfavorable moments are undeniable facts. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
realize the significance of teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to overcome these circumstances, they wonder over it
scrupulously
. There are various schools of thoughts among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on this issue of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye on it, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an issue with it, which in my humble opinion, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
of their expenditure is better to groom them as a responsible adult and in the ensuing lines, I will elaborate this on the most outstanding and cogent ground.

First
and foremost, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will engender a myriad of advantages for them in the future. The main reason behind this rationale is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn to be more independent in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by keeping their budgets under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
. It is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know the difference between their needs and wants from the beginning. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not to rely on others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they become grown-up. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a compelling example of this. When I was in 5th
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grade and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to give me pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the whole month to instill a sense of responsibility, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bough my all school supplies and my favorite video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, I had great difficulty as I couldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
my bills and spent most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on my wants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
essential school supplies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gradually
I figured out that if I hadn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a month I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my school's needs fulfilled and
next
month I would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
my favorite game.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Fast forward
last year, I paid my college tuition fees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission to a prestigious university. If my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hadn't handled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I would have never been an independent and successful person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On top of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management motivates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
seriously
as they realize that it's not easy to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Knowing the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nothing is free, and to have a better status in society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and strive for the best outcome.
For instance
, my nephew is 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he knows that he would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play his role, and do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Comparison is written 'as only "as"'.
then
he would be able to a successful person and earn a high salary. If my brother had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
of his pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he would have never realized it and had taken their parent's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as his birthright.

For the above-mentioned reason, I am completely convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more responsible for their expenditures and dedicated to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay In order to become financially responsible adult would you agree to handle money to children from a young age agree or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
521 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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