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In most parts of the world people are living longer What are the possible causes of this situation Is this a negative or positive development v. 1

In most parts of the world people are living longer What are the possible causes of this situation Is this a negative or positive development v. 1 GMw6w
It is easy to understand how our healthcare system has improved since the twentieth century by the fact that people are living better and longer. However, even though this is a positive situation it also means that there are a lot of elderly people that need care and assistance in order to be happy and survive. To ensure that those in need have the necessary help, many people have been hired in new types of jobs known as caregivers. On the negative side, the fact that people are living longer has caused a rise in the age of retirement which means that many young people find it difficult to find a job as the elderly are worker many more years nowadays. As a younger person I believe that people should work until the reach a specific age, which would change according to the type of job they do, as is the case now, but to increase employment for young people, the state should give tax concessions to companies that give work to this new generation of job seekers. Another problem with people living longer is that the elderly who are not working are being paid contributions from the state for more years with the consequence that those who do work pay more taxes.
It is easy to understand how our healthcare system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
since the twentieth century by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living better and longer.
However
,
even though
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation it
also
means that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that need care and assistance in order to be happy and survive. To ensure that those in need have the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been hired
in new types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
known as caregivers.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer has caused a rise in the age of retirement which means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as the elderly are worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more years nowadays. As a younger person I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work until the reach a specific age, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
according to the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they do, as is the case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to increase employment for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the state should give tax concessions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that give work to this new generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers.

Another problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living longer is that the elderly who are not working are
being paid
contributions from the state for more years with the consequence that those who do work pay more taxes.
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IELTS essay In most parts of the world people are living longer What are the possible causes of this situation Is this a negative or positive development v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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