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In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. W00e
The ageing population is a challenge for any society, because it creates a pressure for a healthcare system. Although private healthcare insurance may partially solve this problem, there should be government support for people who cannot afford to buy a medicine insurase policy. Therefore, I moderately agree with the statement. On the one hand, when the number of elder people is outnumbering the number of young ones, it creates a significant burden on budget. The outflows for social needs are expanding, but the income tax inflows are shrinking, as more people need medicine care, but less people work. To exemplify, in socialistic countries, where a healthcare system was fully funded by a government, ageing of people created serious financial problems that leaded to collapse of many of these countries. Therefore, healthcare system should be funded not by the young generation’s taxes, but by the elder generation’s savings in a medicine insuranse system. On the other hand, not all people are able to purcase a medicine insurase policy even in countries with high incomes. There are many poor people who may be deprived of medicine care without public support. For example, about 10% of population in USA cannot affort to participate in a medicine insurance system. For such group of people public healthcare should be partially kept. In conclusion, while the system of private healthcare insurance may decrease financial pressure on the budget of a country where the population is ageing, it also may lead to the unavaiability of healthcare for the people with low income.
The
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population is a challenge for any society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates a pressure for a healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Although private healthcare insurance may
partially
solve this problem, there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
Possible spelling mistake found.
insurase
policy.
Therefore
, I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

On the one hand, when the number of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is outnumbering the number of young ones, it creates a significant burden on budget. The outflows for social needs are expanding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the income tax inflows are shrinking, as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work. To exemplify, in socialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where a healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
was
fully
funded by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
created serious financial problems that leaded to collapse of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
should
be funded
not by the young generation’s taxes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by the elder generation’s savings in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
Possible spelling mistake found.
insuranse
system.

On the other hand
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
Possible spelling mistake found.
purcase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
Possible spelling mistake found.
insurase
policy even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with high incomes. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may
be deprived
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
care without public support.
For example
, about 10% of population
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
affort
to participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
insurance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. For such group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
public healthcare should be
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
.

In conclusion
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of private healthcare insurance may decrease financial pressure on the budget of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where the population is
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
, it
also
may lead to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unavaiability
of healthcare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low income.
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IELTS essay In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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