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In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think it happen? What problems it causes?

Since the difference between countryside and cities are increasing, the migration of rural people to urban areas is not a new phenomenon in many developing countries. There are widely different explanations to reasons of this trend and its consequences toward every aspect of the society and the economy. First of all, as the development of rural and urban areas is not the same, while there are plenty choices of jobs with higher salary in cities, the shortage of working choices is happening in countryside. Moreover, the population of rural areas is increasingly rising due to the lack of birth-control which derives from low educational level. Thus, people from countryside need to seek for more job opportunities to live as well as afford to bring up their children. Lastly, the well-qualified infrastructure, the better education, transportation and health care services are also factors attracting more people including workers and their family from rural areas. However, this trend affects negatively the development of the country. The initial consequence is the explosion of urban population which puts even more tension on the overloaded traffic system, infrastructure like accommodation, health care and education system. Another problem that is happening commonly is unemployment in cities as there are not enough jobs to meet the rising demands of too many job hunters. In contrast, if farmers leave their traditional job and gravitate toward cities in search of better job opportunities, the scarcity of agricultural products like rice, corn and wheat will be inevitable. Finally, booming urban population also results in the rise of crime, which contributes to the unstable society and the downturn of country’s economy. In conclusion, to my way of thinking, the movement of rural people into urban areas leads to a lot of problems. In order to prevent this trend, governments and companies should create more jobs by relocating factories, improving infrastructure, facilities, schools and health centers.
Since the difference between countryside and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are increasing, the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is not a new phenomenon in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. There are
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
explanations to reasons of this trend and its
The usual preposition to use after “consequences” is not “toward”. Did you mean “consequences of”, “consequences for”, or “consequences on”?
consequences toward
every aspect of the society and the economy.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, as the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is not the same, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with higher salary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the shortage of working choices is happening in countryside.
Moreover
, the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is
increasingly
rising due to the lack of birth-control which derives from low educational level.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from countryside need to seek for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as well
as afford to bring up their children.
Lastly
, the well-qualified infrastructure, the better education, transportation and health care services are
also
factors attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including workers and their family from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

However
, this trend affects
negatively
the development of the country. The initial consequence is the explosion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
population which puts even more tension on the overloaded traffic system, infrastructure like accommodation, health care and education system. Another problem
that is
happening
commonly
is unemployment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the rising demands of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters.
In contrast
, if farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and gravitate toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in search of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, the scarcity of agricultural products like rice, corn and wheat will be inevitable.
Finally
, booming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
population
also
results in the rise of crime, which contributes to the unstable society and the downturn of country’s economy.

In conclusion
, to my way of thinking, the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this trend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
by relocating factories, improving infrastructure, facilities, schools and health centers.
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IELTS essay In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think it happen? What problems it causes?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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