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In many developed countries, stress is one of the biggest problems. What are the causes of this? What are the solutions?

In many developed countries, stress is one of the biggest problems. What are the causes of this? What are the solutions? wmkGq
However paradoxical it may seem, but is true that the more life develops the more prone people become to stress. Although triggering factors of ever-increased anxiety are not difficult to determine, addressing them is tricky enough. Shift in values is one of the most obvious culprits of stress. Today, a staggering number of people place excessive importance on material wealth. Almost every other person chases possessions costing a fortune in order to look affluent and blend with the upper layer of society. This “aim” stresses people out before they achieve the desired outcome. So as to change the situation and abstain people from stress, meritocracy should be promoted over commercialism. Given that the mindset of people alters, there will be less pressure to work all the hours that God sends, so one cause of stress will fade away. High level of competition is another contributing factor. As life evolves, so do different spheres of life. Not to fall behind, not only do people have to overwork, but also constantly bear in mind the thought that competitors are very close if not ahead. Working in such a way relatively quickly wears people off and leads to stress. Identifying a worthwhile solution is not an easy task though since it is nothing but impossible to curb the development of life. The most obvious solution, thus, is to work in a realm that has no competition, but finding one is not going to be straightforward. The final cause is the most widespread – social networking websites. At present, virtually everyone attempts to create a so called “ideal surface picture” on social medias such as Instagram and Facebook. When one succeeds in their endeavors and creates such an illusion, others develop an inferiority complex, which conduces to stress. To resolve this, people should stop being naïve and learn to distinguish reality from virtual life. To conclude, even though stress has become a common issue, it is possible to avoid it should we take the abovementioned measures.
However
paradoxical it may seem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is true that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
develops the more prone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. Although triggering factors of ever-increased anxiety are not difficult to determine, addressing them is tricky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Shift in values is one of the most obvious culprits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a staggering number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
place excessive importance on material wealth. Almost every other person chases possessions costing a fortune in order to look affluent and blend with the upper layer of society. This “aim”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stresses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they achieve the desired outcome.
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
So as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation and abstain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, meritocracy should
be promoted
over commercialism.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
alters, there will be less pressure to work all the hours that God
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
will fade away.

High level of competition is another contributing factor. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
evolves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
spheres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Not to fall behind, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overwork,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
constantly
bear in mind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that competitors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close if not ahead. Working in such a way
relatively
quickly
wears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
off and leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. Identifying a worthwhile solution is not an easy task though since it is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
impossible to curb the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The most obvious solution,
thus
, is to work in a realm that has no competition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
finding one is not going to be straightforward.

The final cause is the most widespread
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
social networking websites. At present,
virtually
everyone attempts to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called “ideal surface picture” on social medias such as Instagram and Facebook. When one succeeds in their endeavors and creates such an illusion, others develop an inferiority complex, which conduces to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. To resolve this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
being naïve and learn to distinguish reality from virtual life.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
has become a common issue, it is possible to avoid it should we take the
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
measures.
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IELTS essay In many developed countries, stress is one of the biggest problems. What are the causes of this? What are the solutions?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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