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In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? LWdR
Old age people are the chief of the family and the home is driven by them. However, in a number of nations, elder’s care is not taken by their family members, therefore some specialist persons are hired to care them. I consider it a negative thing because offspring are the people who are responsible to provide care for their parents and grandparents and I will describe my view in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, old age people are not able to do work or earn money and so, their children should take for them as they become weak by aging. Moreover, some old age or retired persons, can financially support their family by providing pensions. If elder people are sent to old age homes then their connections with their grandchildren would not be built because of which the children will have devoid of grandparent’s love. In addition to it, old age people have lots of experiences of life which can be shared with their upcoming generation by self caring them. Furthermore, most of the time old people get ill and they are not treated properly by doctors and their professional care taker because they need emotional attachment at that time which only can be given by their family members. Apart from it, in this workaholic era every person is working outside the home and so, elders can look at home and the children after them. To conclude, every individual is nourished by their parents and therefore they are responsible for taking care of their parents when they get old.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the chief of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the home
is driven
by them.
However
, in a number of nations, elder’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is not taken by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialist persons
are hired
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
them. I consider it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
offspring are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are responsible to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their parents and grandparents and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
my view in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to do work or earn money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, their children should take for them as they become weak by aging.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
or retired persons, can
financially
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by providing pensions. If elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
then their connections with their grandchildren would not
be built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which the children will have devoid of grandparent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
In addition
to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lots of experiences of life which can
be shared
with their upcoming generation by self caring them.

Furthermore
, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ill and
they are not treated
properly
by doctors and their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
taker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need emotional attachment at that time which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Apart from it, in this workaholic era every person is working outside the home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, elders can look at home and the children after them.

To conclude
, every individual
is nourished
by their parents and
therefore
they are responsible for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their parents when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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