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in many countries in the world the population is ageing rapidely

in many countries in the world the population is ageing rapidely kxN9d
Well, In most of the countries, people are getting old at early ages and it is becoming the reason for unexpected reason for inclining the cost of public healthcare maintenance. So, it is becoming the cause of not spending enough money by Government on other issues for more developments of the society. And, for the better economical condition of the nation, citizens should give some support from their monthly incomes to maintain older population’s well-being in coming decades but it depends on the individual’s wages because every individuals' pay rates are not same. So, I partly agree with the given statement. As we all know that healthcare maintenance has become the biggest issue to resolve especially for old age population. Firstly, it is very expensive to afford hospitals, doctors and medicine for aged citizens those who belong to the middle class. In addition, poor families also face difficulty for them to manage their daily life needs and their kids’ studies. Secondly, if the public will help the government by giving a very small amount from their monthly salaries, So, it would be very easy to take care of the fitness of the aged public. Moreover, it will help to manage the overall financial situation of the nation with a healthy and wealthy surrounding because fitness is wealth. And, it would be a great impact on the development of the country to provide a better education system and to create more possible ways for employment and to resolve many more other social problems. On other hand, it is not possible for every individual to pay for physical health maintenance of older residents because many of them are not getting huge salaries in many emergent nations. Firstly, they cannot pay for these kinds of social issues. Besides that, it can lead to other problems like empleeys might feel depressed due to additional defunding from their wages. Secondly, in many developing countries, only one person per family is earning money and the rest of the family members depends on him for their expenses. Moreover, it would be a very bad impact on the population of underdeveloped nations. Thirdly, Even though, it would not have any effect on those who belong to the rich class society. If people will pay to the government to solve a single problem, So, it can create various other family problems because poor people will face more difficulties to maintain the happy environment in their families due to lack of money. To conclude, it is important to look after aged people by giving them help with fundings rather than detecting the ages of those people who do not have sources to increase their wages. So, it needs a great analysis method to analyze financial condition before deducting wages and taking funds to help the government because fitness and happiness are equally important for any country.
Well, In most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
at early ages and it is becoming the reason for unexpected reason for inclining the cost of public healthcare maintenance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is becoming the cause of not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues for more developments of the society. And, for the better economical condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, citizens should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
support from their monthly incomes to maintain older population’s well-being in coming decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on the individual’s wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every individuals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
rates are not same.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

As we all know that healthcare maintenance has become the biggest issue to resolve
especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age population.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to afford hospitals, doctors and medicine for aged citizens those who belong to the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In addition
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
also
face difficulty for them to manage their daily life needs and their kids’ studies.
Secondly
, if the public will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by giving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount from their monthly salaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to take care of the fitness of the aged public.
Moreover
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to manage the
overall
financial situation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with a healthy and wealthy surrounding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fitness is wealth. And, it would be a great impact on the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to provide a better education system and to create more possible ways for employment and to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social problems.

On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is not possible for every individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for physical health maintenance of older residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are not getting huge salaries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
emergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Firstly
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these kinds of social issues.
Besides
that, it can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems like
Possible spelling mistake found.
empleeys
might feel depressed due to additional
Possible spelling mistake found.
defunding
from their wages.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one person per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is earning money and the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members depends on him for their expenses.
Moreover
, it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the population of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Thirdly
,
Even though
, it would not have any effect on those who belong to the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
society. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to solve a single problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can create various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face more difficulties to maintain the happy environment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
due to lack of money.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to look after aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
rather
than detecting the ages of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have sources to increase their wages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it needs a great analysis method to analyze financial condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deducting wages and taking funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fitness and happiness are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay in many countries in the world the population is ageing rapidely

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
476 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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